Wednesday, March 16, 2011

storms and rainbows

Someone told me tonight, that you need thunderstorms to appreciate the rainbows. I have so many thoughts on this, ranging all over the board.

My family was rocked to it's core today. A man we love is now in the hospital.

Alzheimer's is in no way a fun disease. It reeks havoc on families.

So many emotions tonight. Relief. Fear. Love. Uncertainty.

I am sitting here, a modge-podge of emotions. Both full of so many them, and yet so numb. And yet, the one question we all want answers too, "What happens now?", has no answer. We just have to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. One step at a time. One moment at a time.

Is this storm brought about to help else dwell on the wonderful, strong man he once was? Is that rainbow? Or is it to bring us together once again in the face of adversity? Because, let me tell you, my family has seen more than it's fair share of that. Too many good people, good men, lost before their time.

Storms scare us. They are rough. They beat down upon us. Sometimes they are so loud and hard, they drown out our tears.

Storms and rainbows.... What could the rainbow to this storm possibly be? And when will it appear? At then end of the storm right? Isn't that when most rainbows appear? Is it that the rainbow to this part of the storm be that when this storm ends, it's over? Is that it? The rainbow is the signal to the end is here? I'm not so sure that's a rainbow we want to see. Then again, I'm not so sure it isn't as well.

Rainbows..... Some say there is gold at the end of them. I'm here to tell you, I don't foresee any treasure awaiting at the end of this "rainbow".

You know what? Rainbows are fleeting. They don't last but a few moments, and then are gone. Storms are going to come again and again. That is a given. And not every storm has a rainbow. Something pretty and beautiful to look at when the storm is over.

I don't see any rainbow for this storm.

Perhaps some will say that the strength of my family and our closeness is our rainbow. Our something beautiful to look upon. But I disagree, for several reasons.

1. My family's strength is ALWAYS present. It doesn't fade.
2. My family's closeness can ALWAYS be counted on, no matter the miles between some of us
3. These tributes are his legacy. They are what he has taught us. They will always remain. They will not fade away like a rainbow does. When this storm passes, they will still be here. Just as they have been with every storm we have weathered.

I see nothing beautiful going to come out of this. And right now, Alzheimer's (as far as I can tell), is a storm to be weathered. There isn't any real preparation for it. You have to wait to see the path the storm takes and then re-act accordingly.

This storm is a dangerous storm. This storm is monster of a storm. It's a storm I'd wish upon no one. But since we have no choice on which storms come our way, I can at least say I am blessed enough to be weathering this particular storm with very best people I know.

Storms and rainbows.....sometimes....there are no rainbows. Sometimes, you leave a storm battered and bruised and beaten down. Sometimes, you are left in the aftermath asking why. Wondering how you are going to pick up the pieces and move on. And then you remember.... one foot in front of the other. One step at time. One moment at a time.

Have mercy Lord. On him. On us. Help us. Give us strength to put one foot in front of the other.... now.... and after. Amen.

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