Sunday, July 6, 2014


Tonight I have random thoughts

I don't think I am well liked by some in neighborhood.  lol  Oh well.  Such is life.  Right?   My kids and I have a different relationship than most parents and children.  I will say that.  I have learned that life is too short.  I have lost too many loved ones in my life to not have learned that lesson.  So yeah... I am at that mom that you will sometimes on slide or doing handstands or jumping in with my kids.  I want them to have good memories when they are older.  And God forbid something happen to me tomorrow....  That shit does happen.  TRUST ME.  LIVED IT. 

It's hard.  I won't lie.  My husband works 12 hour days or longer 5-6 days a week.  I raise our 3 girls on my own most of the time.  Summer is a little better.  They can stay up later to be with their dad.  But yeah.  It's not always easy.  And yes, I make mistakes.  I am not perfect.  But I am learning...always.

I am sure people hear the inside jokes we have and think we're nuts.  Or hear the sarcastic remarks my eldest and I can quip to and from one another and think we have lost it.   lol  But my kids know my love for them.  They know I am mom first.  And we have a relationship that has allowed them to open up to me about some of the hardest things they have gone through.  I am so thankful that they know they can come to me about anything, and know I will be there for them.  

My kids see me take time for me sometimes (because everyone needs to know it's okay to take some time for yourself.  Whether it's laying out by the pool instead of in it sometimes, or a locked bathroom door while you bathe, or good book before bed).  But they also see me live life with them.   Be that mom does stuff with them.  Yes, at the pool, but also outside of it.  We have fires outback, just us.  Or taking my 3 girls out just us.  (You wouldn't believe the looks you get sometimes taking 3 kids out to eat on your own).  Or going down the slide and doing the crazy kid stuff with them at the pool.  My favorite is the spur of the moment stuff.  I think it's theirs too.  I want my kids to know that is important to take care of yourself, but also that life is lived only once.  And you need to live it.  Enjoy it.  Experience it.

Before you go judging, because I know a few of you read this only to judge me...  My kids are also taught manners.  They are taught right from wrong.  They are taught to take care of themselves as much as their ages allow because they know the world is not going to help them or care for them.   My jog as a parent is to prepare them to take care of themselves once they leave home.  They know family first.  They are learning the true meaning of friendship.  Which, I have to tell you, is double edged sword.  They are better friends to those they care about sometimes than the other kids are to them.  And it hurts.  They know to be polite to everyone and to give everyone a chance.  But they know (and are continually learning) who they are.  And that you have to be true to yourself. 

Not many people get me.  I am little out there.  But those that do, are some of the best people I have ever known (shout outs to my family, Jennifer, Amanda, Andrea, Dale, Dee, Jamie, Chris, Robert, and few others... you know who you are). I don't live my life to please others to try to be accepted anymore.  And that is the best thing I can teach my kids.  Live your life for you, not others.  You will never please everyone, and you will only make yourself miserable trying.  Care for others.  Put them first.  But live life for you and don't be afraid of what others think.  You have one life to live.  Live it.  Living for those you care about will bring you joy!  Making time for yourself will bring you joy!  It's a balancing act.  But living your life trying to please people who don't care for you is a waste of time.

I am who I am.  I find my joy in those I care about.  I am love meeting new people.  I will try just about anything, once (just about).  I love music, it's my passion.  I love a good book.  I love time with family and friends.  I love good food and good wine.  I can probably drink most of those who actually read this blog under the table.  lol  (don't' judge me.  I am German/Irish/French.  What do you expect?  lol)  I like to dance.  I like to learn new things.  I like to play poker, eat pizza and wings and watch football!  I like soccer!  I like a good debate with intelligent people.   I like just hanging out with good people.  I have lived through more shit than some can imagine.  And I finally know who I am.  What I believe in.  I believe in my faith, in family, and in simple things.  And if I can teach my kids to embrace who they are (no matter who or what that is), and that home is a safe place for them... If I can teach them independence, how to have beliefs without trampling on others feelings and still stand up for what they believe.  If I can teach them that there are two sides to every story and not to believe or be involved in idle gossip...  If they know you get things in this life through hard work, and they are not entitled to dang thing!  And that yes!  Sometimes, life is not fair.  Pick yourself up, and move on.  Then maybe... just maybe.... my kids will a promising future.

I may not be understood.  I may not be well received or well liked.  I am okay with it.  I welcome all into my crazy world who dare to know me.  lol  And those have done just that, know I love them and will do all I can for them...always. I would rather be unliked for who I really am, then to be liked for faking it. 

So yeah... Maybe this is a big middle finger up to those who judge me, and don't know me.  It is what it is.  I am who I am.  And I am a good family member, a good mother, a good friend, and a good person.   Your opinion of me does not matter.

If only everyone could learn to embrace who they are and still be open minded to others.  To know that each of us has a different path they have followed and will follow; and our experiences make us who we are.  But alas, ignorance still reigns.