Saturday, April 30, 2011

asking for prayers...numb

Hospice has told the family that Great Dad (my kids' great grandfather, my husband's grandfather) is "actively dieing" now. Believe me, you don't want details.

They are going to take him off all his meds Monday, but the morphine. ='(

Please keep him, and his family in your prayers.

This is a very sad time for us all.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Hospice has been called in

Hospice has been called in now for my hubby's granddad. =( He has been discharged from the hospital and is at home now.


He had a stroke several years ago that stole his ability to walk, talk, and eat. Now he has congestive heart failure. And I just found out on top of that, his kidneys are now "disfunctional".

I wanted to take the kids to see him one he was home, but I have been advised that is not a good idea. That the man we knew and loved is no longer there. He has been replaced by a man that is barely recognized by anyone.

From my understanding, he is either sleeping, lost in thought or some other world, or taking out his frustrations on others. Every once in a while a glimpse of the man we all knew and loved surfaces, but for the most part, his mental state is going fast.

God bless the Hospice workers!! I hope they know that these patients are only shells of what they use to be. I'd hate for them to think this was the kind of man he always was. I have always known him to be patient, wise, and very loving. These people help the patients and their families prepare for the end. They are very special people. God bless them.

Great Dad (as we call him in my home) is ready to "go home" (meaning heaven). Everything is failing him. He is miserable and just wants to die, but can't seem too. He's very frustrated about that. My prayer is that he go painlessly as possible. He has endured so much pain already. This is a horrible way to die. Slowly, one failed body part/organ at a time.

If you are reading this. Would mind praying for him. Pray that his time here come to a peaceful end quickly and pray for strength for his family during this time.

Thank you.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Not for faint of heart: End times revelations,THE BEAST, the mark

Ever wonder about "THE BEAST" of end times or when "END TIMES" would be here? Here are some answers for you.

Ok...this is going to be long but WORTH IT!! I PROMISE!

Scripture says:

Matthew 24 (New International Version, ©2011)

Matthew 24
The Destruction of the Temple and Signs of the End Times
1 Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. 2 “Do you see all these things?” he asked. “Truly I tell you, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.”

3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?”

4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.

9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

15 “So when you see standing in the holy place ‘the abomination that causes desolation,’[a] spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand— 16 then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. 17 Let no one on the housetop go down to take anything out of the house. 18 Let no one in the field go back to get their cloak. 19 How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! 20 Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath. 21 For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again.

22 “If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive, but for the sake of the elect those days will be shortened. 23 At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Messiah!’ or, ‘There he is!’ do not believe it. 24 For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. 25 See, I have told you ahead of time.

26 “So if anyone tells you, ‘There he is, out in the wilderness,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here he is, in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it. 27 For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. 28 Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.

29 “Immediately after the distress of those days

“‘the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light;
the stars will fall from the sky,
and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.’[b]

30 “Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. And then all the peoples of the earth[c] will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory.[d] 31 And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

32 “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[e] is near, right at the door. 34 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
The Day and Hour Unknown
36 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,[f] but only the Father. 37 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; 39 and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 40 Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. 41 Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

42 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

45 “Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46 It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47 Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48 But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ 49 and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. 51 He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Can anyone deny the earthquakes around the earth right now? Or the wars and rumors of them in the middle east? Or how the "kingdoms" of the middle east are rising against themselves? As if this wasn't enough....

The scripture talks about "the abomination that causes desolation". What is this exactly?

I offer this link to help explain that part:

And what of this Beast? Who is he? What is his mark? You get a sense of it in the first think, but take a look at this one:

Look at the arm

I am NOT trying to bash anyone's religion. Abraham had 2 sons. And the Lord promised to prosper both. One son lead the way to Christianity (birth lines, ect.), the other to Islam (they believe it was this son who Abraham was called to sacrifice not the other one). Both have prospered as scripture as foretold.

But scripture is VERY clear. And if we are in the midst of the birth pains, there isn't much time left. I'm not saying tomorrow this will happen, we still have some scripture to live through ( 3.5 years of war, then 3.5 years of peace...middle east, moon no longer shining (nuclear? look that one up), ect.) But there is no denying what times we are living in.

It is entirely possible He could come back in OUR lifetime! Oh Glorious Day!! To look upon the face of Him who gave me love, hope, and eternal life! But let's face it, if He does not, it will most likely be sometime in our children's lifetimes. The earth has never been so close to fulfilling the prophecies told here in Matthew and in Revelations (and in Daniel, ect.)

I know someone, somewhere will read this, watch those videos out of curiosity, and think all this hogwash, garbage. But what if? Ask yourself, "What if there is truth to this?" Where does that leave you?

What side of the fence are you on? Just because you are NOT muslim does not make you Christian. Only in faith in Jesus and praying to him and hearing him (relationship) do you have salvation.

Think upon these things. Where does your heart lie? What will happen to you on the day of His Glorious Return? Will be called up to paradise? Or left here to suffer the wrath?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I am ashamed to admit this, but I'm losing hope. Losing faith, in us getting this house. Everything has just taken so long. Months. And now that we have done all we needed to do, we find out oops, they forgot to give us a certain paper to fill out. But, they haven't mailed it or faxed to us to do yet. AND they haven't even attempted to contact my husband about it!! I'm livid, I'm hurt. I'm... a ball of emotions. (We only found out about this because our Loan Rep called the mortgage company to check on things. And our Loan Rep doesn't want to "draw any unnecessary attention to us" due to our situation. So, we're stuck in limbo, waiting for someone to get off their butt and send us this one thing to fill out. =/ )

I have NEVER been a patient person. In fact, patience does NOT run in my family one bit. We started this WHOLE thing back in February. I had to wait until the 15th, then I was told to wait until the following Monday. Then I was told I should have an answer that week. Then I'm told oops! Forgot something! Now I'm told that EVENTUALLY they will get it to us.

This whole thing has been hard on me. The stress has effected my health and sleep. Stress has a negative effect on me in a bad way. And now I'm having nightmares about the house and the loan. I need sleep more than ever, but am so afraid to even try to sleep any more. And all this effects my mood, which in turn effects my family. And it's all getting worse. But that doesn't matter. I need to suck it up and "wait". Because GOD forbid we draw attention to ourselves. =/

I am beginning to think it would just be easier to give up hope all together. I don't even want to go the stupid Pre-construction meeting tomorrow. I truly don't. I am ready to walk away. Or at least I think I am. I just can't take this stress anymore. I can't take it! I have been patient for months. For me, I have done DAMN well! But I just can't do this anymore. I NEED answers. My health and my family's well being NEED answers. But that doesn't seem to matter to anyone but me. And let's not forget our landlords who are getting impatient with us NOT having an answer yet. And yes.... I am angry with my Heavenly Father too. Because He knows how this is effecting me, and yet I am stuck waiting on men.

Don't get me wrong, I love Him. But I don't understand this. I don't care too. I just want it over with. I need it over with. I don't understand the point in my family or me suffering any longer. For me, it's easier to walk away. Then I can stop stressing. I'll be able to sleep. I can stop eating pills just to make through the day. It'd be a answer!

It's getting harder and harder to believe in this. And everyone who was once supportive and helped me through my bad days, are slowly disappearing. I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!! And yet, here I am, all alone. Stressing. Worrying. I have no more "pick me ups" from the Lord or friends or family. I am in the wilderness. And it sucks. Or at least if feels that way.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on to any kind of hope. Yup . . . It's shameful. But I'm being honest. And I needed this cry. I needed to let this out. Maybe this release will help me hold on a little longer.

I'm still here, Lord. I'm still believing...but only by a thin thread. Please me!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Pick me ups

So, today was hard. I got caught up in my sick kids and family members. I got upset and allowed stress to enter in. I also allowed the stress of the this house to creep in too. To say I was overwhelmed at one point today, well.... yeah.

But...tonight, my precious middle girl who will be 6 soon, asked Jesus into her heart. She wanted too. She was ready. I cried. And I cry now as I type this. I am so proud of her. She made this decision all on her own. When my eldest was 5, she asked Jesus into her heart at our church service. There is something about my kids and Easter Time. lol I am so proud and happy. What a turn around to this day!

There are two songs that have been a God send to me lately. They lift me up an minister to me and give me hope. Especially on days like this.

One is Before the Morning by Josh Wilson and the other is Listen to the Sound by Building 429. Here are the lyrics and links to the songs. All I can I say is WOW.

Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now?

Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you're going
You just don't know how you'll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on
'Cause there's good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the hurt before the healing

Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning

Listen to the Sound

Are you in over your head
Are you in water so deep you're drowning
Do you think you've been left
And there is no one to feel your hurting
Well, everybody has been there
And everybody's felt lost
If you're in over your head
Lift it up, lift it up

Oh, listen to the sound of hope that's rising
Over your old horizon
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
And listen to the sound of a new beginning
Oh, this is where the old is ending
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound

I hear you say you're alone
I hear you saying that you'll never make it
I've got to tell you you're wrong
Cause I have been down this path you're taking
You never know what faith is
Til you don't understand
Sometimes it takes a silence
To finally hear His plan

Oh, listen to the sound of hope that's rising
Over your old horizon
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
And listen to the sound of a new beginning
Oh, this is where the old is ending
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
I once was lost, but now I'm found

His Grace is reaching for us
His Grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
Wherever you are

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Heavy heart

Tonight I sit here with a heavy heart. We received some bad news about a loved one tonight, and all I can do now is pray for mercy. I wish there was more I could do.


Responisble Movie Going

Took my older two kids to see "RIO" today. Cute movie. =) I left my toddler at home with Daddy...where she was most happy, and so were we! =)

There were 4, yes 4, babies (kids under 2)there. That worried me. But, okay. Let's just watch the movie.

People, DO NOT TAKE YOUR SMALL CHILDREN TO THE MOVIES!!! Seriously! Wait to rent it!! Or at the very least, get a sitter!

There was this one baby that cried most of the movie. Finally some guy down front yelled "Get that kid out of here!" Kuddos to you sir!

If you MUST take your small children to a movie, please be prepared to get up and walk out with your screaming, crying child. I don't give two hoots that you paid to be there. So did the rest of us and YOU are ruining our experience. PERIOD! We all gave them some grace to start with. Get the bottle ready, find the binky in the dark. Whatever. We aren't all meanies. But when your child CLEARLY is unhappy and all your efforts are NOT helping, get up and leave!! Do not ruin the movie for all the other movie goers out there.

Honestly, I don't think much of you as a parent, if you can't stop watching a movie to tend to your child. Honestly, that's just selfish. Tend to your crying baby. If not for the rest of us, for them. And you if can't do this, then DON'T BRING THEM!

Movies do eventually come out on DVD. Just wait. And if this offends you, then you are probably one of the people who bring their small screaming children to the cinema and don't leave when they cry.

Friday, April 15, 2011


I am keeping a journal, and I was reading back through it last night and thought I might be brave enough to post what I wrote in one entry.

Saturday April 4th, 2011

* FEAR *

"Fear spreads like wild fire."

I heard this tonight while watching t.v. It resenated with me.

Fear starts out small, dare I say possibly the size of a mustard seed? But fed correctly, given the proper attention, it can grow, and quickly, into a mighty force.

When we give into fear, we feed it. Soon, it grows to over come us. Paralyze us. Fear is the enemy of Faith. Where fear reigns, there is no room for faith. Fear cripples us. Ask anyone with an anxiety disorder. Some come to fear even leaving their homes. Fear has stopped countless men and women from reaching their destiny. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of judgement. Fear of being wrong.

Fear steals our Joy!!!!

And fear is contagious too! Did you know that? You can pass it on to your spouse, your children, your family and friends. It can be passed on to an entire nation! It can be passed on through generations. Fear has stopped many men and women from reaching their destinies!

I am beginning to understand the purpose of fear. What a mighty weapon. And slowly, as this revelation comes, I am also understanding the importance of faith. Real faith, not just lip service faith. To KNOW Who's hands you are in. To trust. To know Who's really in charge. That gives me peace and drives out fear.

Faith....Hope...they bring peace and joy. Where faith abounds, there is no room for fear.

I have much to learn on this still. I will need to look up some scriptures and study and listen. But wow, what a revelation!

If you let fear stop you in the small things in life, how can you stand on faith when it really counts? The answer of course, is you can't.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Got this Email today...thought I'd share:

David Wilkerson Today



When we hurt, when we are lonely, afraid, and overwhelmed by circumstances
beyond our control—we quickly turn aside from our true source of peace and
victory and look to human ways and resources. How tragic! We know God is still
on the throne waiting for us to call on him. We know the answer to all our
needs is to be found alone with God, shut in with him. We will even confess to
our spiritual friends, "I know I need to pray! I know God has the answer! I
know I need to cry it all out in his presence!

It is discouragement of the worst kind to give in to fear and despair while
ignoring the majesty and faithfulness of a loving Father. God said to Israel, " 22-26 God said to Moses, "Give this Message to the People of Israel: 'You've experienced firsthand how I spoke with you from Heaven. Don't make gods of silver and gods of gold and then set them alongside me. Make me an earthen Altar. Sacrifice your Whole-Burnt-Offerings, your Peace-Offerings, your sheep, and your cattle on it. Every place where I cause my name to be honored in your worship, I'll be there myself and bless you."
(Exodus 20:22.24 THE MESSAGE). But Israel
answered, "God hath forgotten to be merciful” (Psalm 10:11). "But Zion said,
The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me" (Isaiah 49:14).

Are you a discouraged Christian? You are if you ignore the Lord's majestic
promises and doubt that he means what he says! He promised, "Can a mother forget the infant at her breast,
walk away from the baby she bore?
But even if mothers forget,
I'd never forget you—never.
Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands.
The walls you're rebuilding are never out of my sight.
Your builders are faster than your wreckers.
The demolition crews are gone for good.
Look up, look around, look well!
See them all gathering, coming to you?
As sure as I am the living God"—God's Decree—
"you're going to put them on like so much jewelry,
you're going to use them to dress up like a bride. (Isaiah

You will be downcast if you go on carrying unnecessary burdens of guilt, fear,
loneliness, anxiety, and turmoil simply because you refuse to rest on the
Lord's great and precious promises.

God is not mocking his children when he promises, "And we know that all things
work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

God is not lying when he promises, "The eyes of the Lord are upon the
righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry…. The righteous cry, and the
Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles" (Psalm 34:15 and

Let’s not become impatient and act according to our feelings. When we get
into trouble and cry out to God for mercy and help, all heaven goes into motion
on our behalf. Should the Lord let us see into the spiritual world to behold the
good things he is preparing for those who call on him and trust him, it would be
an incredible sight for our eyes.

Monday, April 11, 2011


I am in a season of patience and waiting I think. This has been our year so far:

We waited to start looking for houses.
We waited until we found what we loved and didn't settle
We waited (& are still waiting) on final loan approval (God week!)
We waited to hear about my granddad's health
We waited to hear how bad it was and what stage
Now we are waiting for his decision on treatment and how that will effect him.

And now, we are waiting to see what happens to my Husband's grandfather (my kids call him "Great Dad"). He is in the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure. And it was pretty touch and go for a little bit yesterday. He seems to have improved some, but no one knows what is going to happen. He made it through the night, so that's encouraging... I think.

Yup!! Waiting is where I am at in life. And if you know me, you know I'm not the most patient person. And as you can see, these are minor things we are waiting on. A home, family member's health... life and death stuff. Yup. I am being taught patience and perseverance I think. Well, definitely the patience part.

It's hard when you want to be the one in control. You want to have the answers for everything and have them now. It's hard when you have to sit, wait, be patient, and just HOPE for the best. You tend to want to get frustrated in the whole mess. But when I sit down and quiet myself and think; I realize Who is really in charge and that gives me peace because I know HE can be trusted. He knows what's best...not matter what.

Yup...I'm waiting. I still have all kinds of butterflies and knots in my stomach, but I'm working on it. I think I'm doing good (for me anyway) to be okay with NOT being in control of any of these situations right now.

One day at a time right? Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.

Friday, April 8, 2011


I'm sitting here tonight sad.

I want so bad to run to him, hug him tight, and tell him how much I love him. But I know I would be tears. I don't think he needs that. I don't think it would do anyone a bit of good. I wonder if he knows how much I have loved and continue to love him.

The whole situation makes me upset. I cannot imagine the impact this has on the rest of my family. ='(

My family has learned, with the early deaths of my dad, and two cousins in their teens; that you are never guaranteed a tomorrow. That life has a way of throwing wrenches in your plans. That life is fragile, precious. And you need to make the most of every moment.

I wonder if my husband and kids know just how much the mean to me. I wonder if my other family members each know how much I love them. Do my friends know?

With certain events going on in my family right now, it has brought all this up to surface. What saddens me most is that if the Alzheimer's get's him first, he will leave this earth not remembering any of us who loved him and how much he was adored and loved. This grieves my heart immensely. I pray for him to go in his sleep, before this can happen. Whether it's the cancer, a heart attack, a stroke, I don't care. Let him leave this world peacefully knowing he is loved.

Tonight I am sad. I feel like a kindergartner saying that. But it's how I feel.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Today has been a hard day.

As far as the house thing goes, it's disappointing. But I'm in good hands, and I know it.

Explaining all this to my 9 year old who was in tears tonight was not easy. Sometimes I just don't have all the answers. How do you make a child understand when you yourself don't 100% and don't have any good answers for her?

More things happened this evening, but they are more personal. It's been a bad night no doubt.

Tomorrow we found out about my Grandfather's health.

I can remember Jan. 1 ... midnight. I was so excited to see 2010 go and was so excited to see 2011. So far, 2011 hasn't been much better. But, there is still plenty of year left to turn that around.

I'm in this strange place of feeling like my world is crumbling down upon me and yet I'm in a place a safety at the same time. It's a very strange place to be.

I'm in a place where I feel drained. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I have spent many hours, every day, researching and being involved in this home. Now.... And then there is also my Grandfather.....

Ah. I just needed a place to let some of this out. NO matter what, I know I have a good support system. No matter what, I'll get through this. No matter what...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Last night we had horrible storms. HORRIBLE!! We lost a tiny bit of siding (which my wonderful hubby was able to fix) and some shingles off the roof. That one is going to have to go the landlord to fix.

I have family coming in this weekend. I'm excited to see them. I love my family. I have the best relationships with them. Not many nieces are as close as we are to our aunts. I love them all so dearly.

I wish I could say this was a fun, social visit. But sometime this week we are waiting to hear back from my Granddad's dr about his biopsy. We all pretty much know what he's going to say. But there is always that doubt, you know. I guess it's one of those things you need to hear. We just need to know what we're all facing. Yes, I said "we". That is how my family works. We go through things together.

There was a time not long ago, I'd been on pins and needles this whole week. Waiting to hear about my Granddad. Waiting to hear about the loan. But, I'm surprisingly peaceful. That's not to say I'm not concerned. I am very concerned. But I know worrying about isn't going to change the outcome, whatever that may be. Instead I pray about it, give it God, and am peaceful knowing He knows what's best, even if I don't understand it.

I do wish to know these things. In my mind, the sooner the better. But things sometimes take time. And I am not in control. I have learn that. I have to learn to exercise patience, especially when I cannot control the circumstances or the outcome. Easier said than done, but overall, I think I'm doing pretty good with it. I still have a long way to go though, no doubt.

Today hasn't been the best of days. As a matter of fact, there were times today when I was NOT happy with how this day was going at all. I was in tears at one point. But, when my kids got home, all that changed. My middle girl did fall and hurt herself, but it was still good. I had my family around me, and nothing makes me happier. Even my wonderful husband made it home for dinner!! =D

This day started out terrible, and for most of the day it got worse. But I'm ending it on a good note. I'm ending it content and peaceful. And that says a lot about how far I have come. I know I have a long way to go, but even after a horrible day, and facing terribly stressful situations; if I can go to bed at the end of the night feeling like this, I consider it an accomplishment.

Thank you God for the work you are doing in me. Thank you for your peace.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

a new path

I spent tonight at my sister's celebrating the birthday of her fiance'. I spent time talking of their wedding, enjoying good company, good food, and time with the children. It was a great evening with some of the best of people.

My path has changed. My old desires and longings have changed. I know longer understand the way of thinking I once had. Given the choice, between hanging out with my children and family, or going out until the wee hours of the night . . . I choose the former rather than the latter.

My middle girl was sick tonight. Up her in bed, in tears. To tired to come down, and yet crying her tummy hurt so bad. I loved being here for her. Being able to stroke her hair, talk to her, pray for her, comfort her. I never want to miss that because I am out.

Yes, I am on a new path in my life. I have always loved being a mommy. But now, that role is taking on more and more meaning in my life. And I couldn't be happier about that. =)

As for my middle girl, my lovely hubby moved her to our bed when we first heard her tears. There I prayed for her. I talked with her, stroked her hair. She looks so tiny in our bed. But she is sleeping most soundly now....STILL in my bed. lol I am about to retire to our bed, and pray over again. I don't care how old my children get, there is just something too watching your child sleep.

I can remember several times in this house (some while VERY pregnant) I slept on the floor by their bed for a bit after praying for them over something. Once they fell asleep, I loved just watching them. Whispering to them my love for them and praying yet again for them.

Yes....I love this new path am I on. Similar to the old...Only...BETTER!!!