Sunday, August 17, 2014

Winds of Change Blow Again

It's just one of those times in life when everything around you is beginning once again to change.  And it's a lot for me, personally, to take in. 

We got some bad news about a loved one the other day.  Not anything we weren't expecting at some point, deep down, but you always had hope, you know?   And I am sad.  Sad for what she has been through already, and sad for what lies ahead.  Just, sad.

Summer is also coming to an end in our neck of the woods.  Next week school starts back.  This is my last week of summer vacation with my children.  I hate that.  I am not one of those parent's who love to see school start back up.  I love having my kids home with me.  I love not having schedules to follow, projects to do, or homework to worry about.  I love just being able to enjoy them and life with them.  When they are gone from me, my heart aches for them.  I love being their mom.

This year is extra hard.  This year my youngest starts school, kindergarten.  And my heart is utterly broken over this.  I have always had one my daughters home with me over the last 13 years.  When one started Kindergarten, I had another at home to raise, love on, snuggle with, and enjoy.  Those days are now over.  Permanently.   When my baby girl gets on that bus next week, I will have no more children at home during the day.  And that breaks my heart.

All I have ever wanted to be is a mom.  And yes, I know I still am one.  Just because they are in school, does not change that.  And yet, it is very hard for me to try and put into words.  My role as mom is now forever changed (or will be next week).  No more kids at home to care for during the day.  And that was my joy.  At least it played a big part in it.  And not having that part of my role of mom anymore, hurts. 

I know this will in some ways be a blessing.  I am free now to to up the gym and work out.  I am free to birthday or holiday shop when needed.  And there are some chores that will be easier to do without a little one needing my attention.  And I am finally free to be a class mom!  Or chaperone on a field trip.  =)  But ...  I want them with me.  And I would gladly give up all these freedoms to have that again.  Selfish, huh?

I am having a very hard time right now.  Back to school is always hard for me.  The change from summer vacation to school again just sucks for me.  Now I am losing my last child to school.  And it feels like the end of an era for me.  And I feel very sad and somewhat lost.  A part of who I am and what I do is gone.  And it is a loss, at least to me it feels that way.  It's very hard to explain.

I don't really know why I am sharing this.  I suppose most will think I am silly or daft.  But, I guess I just needed to get this out.  To talk about it, without having people throw suggestions at me.  I am really not very interested in what other people think I can, or should, feel or do right now.  All I can do is try to make the best out of this next week and try not to let it ruin me when they all go off to school.  Because right now, the pain of the knowledge my life is forever changing is very hard to keep hiding.  And even more hard to live with.  And I don't think anyone understands that at all.

School, my baby going, and the horrible news we got are just a little too much for me to process right now.  I feel like the air all around me is heavy and it's hard to breathe.  I look into my future and it's....  different and scary.  And most of all, it is empty.   Empty of them.  Empty of her.  The changes my life is headed towards are changes of emptiness.  And that is a very hard thing indeed.

Yes, I am sad.  I am hurting.  I am having a hard time wrapping my mind and emotions around all the change headed my way.  And I know I have no other choice but to face them head on.  To pull up my big girl panties and just do this.  All of it.  Losing them, and her.  I need to make the most of what time I have with them all.  And I will do that.  But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Cabarrus County School System

Dear Daughter's Middle School In Cabarrus County:

You are a public school.  So I got a bit pissy when you tried to instill uniforms, I will admit.  I had never really heard of a public school (or any school without a waiting list to get into) having uniforms.  That's not say they don't exist, I just never heard of them.   And yes, that irked me to no end.

I know you say it's because of the dress code violations.  But you admitted that most of those violations were do to people NOT wearing their badges.  *sigh*

It is WIDELY known that this school has a HUGE bullying problem.  And every parent I have talked to that supported the uniforms was because their kids were bullied, or knew of those who were, because of wardrobe.

So you see?  Everyone knows (or at least believes) you want to push this so bad because you want to cure the bullying in your school.  *smh*  You still don't get it, do you?  Bullies will just find other reasons.

For example:

Let's take girls.  Girls (with decent parents who know how to dress them appropriately for school and not like harlots out showing off their botty and cleavage), know how to dress to their body type.  Stick them all in the same clothes, and bullying against body types just got worse.

Then I read  that this year there is a new violation to the dress code:

~ Hair dye or colorings(green, purple, etc.) that distract from the educational environment

Okay, honestly, what in the world does hair color have to do with learning?  If my daughters EVER brought home a bad grade and blamed it on a classmates hair color they would be in world of trouble.  At 12-13 years of age, they know better.

I read this rule and went, frankly, ape shit.  I had had enough.  But why?  Why does this bother me so much?  Other than fact you are a public school and it's my belief that public schools should not require uniforms or silly rules about hair color?  And this is what it boils down to this:

I have raised my children to be who they are.  I support them in testing and trying, to figure that out, even when I don't agree.  That is part of the teenage years!  Finding yourself!!  It's up to me as the parent to set limits on that, and that includes wardrobe, hair, activities they want to be a part of or exclude, and the list goes on and on.  It's not your job. 

I understand wanting to teach kids to dress modestly in school.  Staring at someones boobs or butt, or some guy's underwear showing because their pants are too low can be distracting.  Kids this age are starting puberty and are hormonal, curious creatures.  School is about education, not sexual awakening.  But my child's hair color has nothing to with education or sexual awakening.  It's hair.

I have, and continue, to raise my children to be true to themselves.   That may or may not be "the norm" as society sees it.  And either way, is fine by me.  As long as they are happy with themselves, I am happy.  And yes, at 13 you are just beginning the journey to find yourself.  You dress to your body type.  You dress how you feel comfortable.  You dress how you best think fits your personality.  That includes hair cuts and whether or not to dye it  colors that are a little out there.

You see, school, my daughter is one of those kids likes to dye her hair sometimes.  Last October, she dyed the ends of her hair purple.   She did this in support of Alzheimer's, as that is part of what killed her granddad that she adored.  She want's to do it again every October.  I support her.  And you want to make that against the dress code why?  Because some lazy asshole kid who doesn't do his/her work wants to blame her hair on their bad grades?  I don't think so.  Or maybe it's because you are worried she will bullied for her choices.  Well, she was.  And she it's still cause dear to her heart.

She will need to learn that she needs to back up her choices in life.  Or she will learn some choices have consequences. And if that means putting up with asshole kids who tease her because they don't like her hair, so be it.  Other kids don't, and shouldn't, have any say in how she dresses.  They don't get that kind of control.  And frankly, neither should you.  She did it once, and is willing to do it again, in spite of the teasing last year.  You want to know why?  Because it for a cause she believes in!!!  And when people asked her about it, why she did it, she told them.  Yes there was some teasing, but there was also questions and understanding when she answered.  And her head was held high through it all.  And you want to squash that!!!  I am damn proud of her for it.

What if a kid (boy or girl) has a mom going through breast cancer?  And they want to dye their hair pink in support of it?  How dare you take away their FREEDOM to do that, because.... I don't know.  Fear of bullying?  Fear of lazy slackers blaming them for bad grades?  Are you really wanting to take away the children's freedom and right's to express themselves because you are too lazy to deal with the problems?

You see, I raise my kids to know that it's okay to be different.  That they don't have to be like everyone else. It's okay if they are, and it's okay if they aren't.  But that is their choice to make, not yours to make for them.  I will be damned if I will let my child's school tell my child to conform.  That they  MUST look like everyone else, or suffer consequences.   Because that is message you are sending.  Intentional or not.  Especially at a public school.  You can stick that where the sun don't shine my friends.  It goes against everything I have been trying to teach them.  And that, I think, is why I have such a problem with all of this.

The consequences she may have to deal with, should NEVER be because she didn't conform to what school administrators think she must be.  And THAT is the problem I have with all of this.

How about getting off your lazy asses and actually dealing out consequences for those who deserve it!  Bully once... detention.  Twice?  Suspension.  Three times, expulsion.   Three strikes and your out.  Period.  No exceptions.  Or how about teaching taking responsibility for your own actions?  Fail that test?  That's on you, not hair.  How are these kids going to learn self control if you keep taking away their opportunities to learn it?

It appalls me that society and/or parents allow this kind of crap.  Yes, it's crap.  You are telling these children there is only one way to be.  And that, I believe,  is wrong.

I have half a mind to let her dye her hair teal tell you to kiss my ass and hers.   Because, you see, that is where she is at right now.  She wants to dye the ends teal now, and purple again October, and either red or green in December.  And it's just hair, so why not?  Oh wait.... I forgot.  The school is now in charge of making those decisions for MY child.  I don't think so.  If I had the clout, every damn kid that was willing, would dye their hair any damn color they want the first day of school.  Because honestly, it's not up to you, school.  It's up to them and their parents.  You are a public school, not private.  And if  I could change her school over this, it would already be done.   You are now interfering with how parents are raising their kids.  It's not YOUR CHOICE, IT'S THEIRS. 

Signed:  One ticked off momma

Saturday, August 9, 2014



When someone you love causes you pain by being careless, over and over again, is that worth it?  Is it worth the relationship?  (parent child, spouse/significant other, friendships, and so on)

I would love to sit in a room of people and debate this topic right now.

Turns out, I had time to think and reflect.  And a scripture came back to mind:

Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

When you look up "scriptures about forgiveness" you are bombarded by the answer to my question.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Well that scripture alone says it all, doesn't it?   If you want forgiveness, then you must be willing to forgive.    Pair that with the Matthew 18:21-22 scripture above it, which tells us to forgive loved ones over and over over again....  Seems pretty clear to me.   No where does it mention a clause for NOT forgiving. 

How many times must we grieve the Lord?  How much do we hurt him with our choices and sin?  And yet, scripture says:

Isaiah 1:18 

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Hebrews 10:17

"Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."
 Daniel 9:9
"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him;"
He is so very faithful to forgive us.  Shouldn't we then exhibit that same behavior and forgive.  

Mark 11:25

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

Matthew 6:9-15

"This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,  your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread.  Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. '  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins

We all screw up.  We all make mistakes.  And some of us, make them out of carelessness.  Or perhaps out of a passionate moment when emotion runs a little wild.  Or perhaps we made choices without really thinking them through.  Or we have and didn't care in that moment.  But it is clear we are to forgive... over and over again.

Isaiah 53:4-6 

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He knows our pain!!!  He sees it.  He feels it.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

First Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

 Go to Him with your pain.  And let go and forgive. 

I think that sometimes it hurts more when you are hurting because of someone you love (parent/child, spouse/significant other, friend, etc.).  Most of the time the people who love you though, don't hurt you out of malice.  They don't do it intentionally, the way your enemy would.  They may have been careless. They may have made a mistake  They may have been over come with emotion in the moment and unable to have self control (which is something we all must work on on some level, is it not?).  I think that perhaps, wounds made by loved a one, although they may sting more; should be forgiven more quickly then those made those out to purposefully harm you.  Because after all.... You love them too.  Just as we wound our heavenly Father daily, and loves us and forgives us.

Give your pain to God.  Let Him handle it from there, and let go and forgive.  Not always easy, sure.  But it will be worth it in the end.  And I think, maybe perhaps....  If we practice to forgive often enough, it will become easier and easier to do.    


Is it worth it?  That was my question.  And I find that yes, yes it is.  Because we love them.  And if we are really blessed, they love us too.   Love is always worth it.