Monday, August 11, 2014

Cabarrus County School System

Dear Daughter's Middle School In Cabarrus County:

You are a public school.  So I got a bit pissy when you tried to instill uniforms, I will admit.  I had never really heard of a public school (or any school without a waiting list to get into) having uniforms.  That's not say they don't exist, I just never heard of them.   And yes, that irked me to no end.

I know you say it's because of the dress code violations.  But you admitted that most of those violations were do to people NOT wearing their badges.  *sigh*

It is WIDELY known that this school has a HUGE bullying problem.  And every parent I have talked to that supported the uniforms was because their kids were bullied, or knew of those who were, because of wardrobe.

So you see?  Everyone knows (or at least believes) you want to push this so bad because you want to cure the bullying in your school.  *smh*  You still don't get it, do you?  Bullies will just find other reasons.

For example:

Let's take girls.  Girls (with decent parents who know how to dress them appropriately for school and not like harlots out showing off their botty and cleavage), know how to dress to their body type.  Stick them all in the same clothes, and bullying against body types just got worse.

Then I read  that this year there is a new violation to the dress code:

~ Hair dye or colorings(green, purple, etc.) that distract from the educational environment

Okay, honestly, what in the world does hair color have to do with learning?  If my daughters EVER brought home a bad grade and blamed it on a classmates hair color they would be in world of trouble.  At 12-13 years of age, they know better.

I read this rule and went, frankly, ape shit.  I had had enough.  But why?  Why does this bother me so much?  Other than fact you are a public school and it's my belief that public schools should not require uniforms or silly rules about hair color?  And this is what it boils down to this:

I have raised my children to be who they are.  I support them in testing and trying, to figure that out, even when I don't agree.  That is part of the teenage years!  Finding yourself!!  It's up to me as the parent to set limits on that, and that includes wardrobe, hair, activities they want to be a part of or exclude, and the list goes on and on.  It's not your job. 

I understand wanting to teach kids to dress modestly in school.  Staring at someones boobs or butt, or some guy's underwear showing because their pants are too low can be distracting.  Kids this age are starting puberty and are hormonal, curious creatures.  School is about education, not sexual awakening.  But my child's hair color has nothing to with education or sexual awakening.  It's hair.

I have, and continue, to raise my children to be true to themselves.   That may or may not be "the norm" as society sees it.  And either way, is fine by me.  As long as they are happy with themselves, I am happy.  And yes, at 13 you are just beginning the journey to find yourself.  You dress to your body type.  You dress how you feel comfortable.  You dress how you best think fits your personality.  That includes hair cuts and whether or not to dye it  colors that are a little out there.

You see, school, my daughter is one of those kids likes to dye her hair sometimes.  Last October, she dyed the ends of her hair purple.   She did this in support of Alzheimer's, as that is part of what killed her granddad that she adored.  She want's to do it again every October.  I support her.  And you want to make that against the dress code why?  Because some lazy asshole kid who doesn't do his/her work wants to blame her hair on their bad grades?  I don't think so.  Or maybe it's because you are worried she will bullied for her choices.  Well, she was.  And she it's still cause dear to her heart.

She will need to learn that she needs to back up her choices in life.  Or she will learn some choices have consequences. And if that means putting up with asshole kids who tease her because they don't like her hair, so be it.  Other kids don't, and shouldn't, have any say in how she dresses.  They don't get that kind of control.  And frankly, neither should you.  She did it once, and is willing to do it again, in spite of the teasing last year.  You want to know why?  Because it for a cause she believes in!!!  And when people asked her about it, why she did it, she told them.  Yes there was some teasing, but there was also questions and understanding when she answered.  And her head was held high through it all.  And you want to squash that!!!  I am damn proud of her for it.

What if a kid (boy or girl) has a mom going through breast cancer?  And they want to dye their hair pink in support of it?  How dare you take away their FREEDOM to do that, because.... I don't know.  Fear of bullying?  Fear of lazy slackers blaming them for bad grades?  Are you really wanting to take away the children's freedom and right's to express themselves because you are too lazy to deal with the problems?

You see, I raise my kids to know that it's okay to be different.  That they don't have to be like everyone else. It's okay if they are, and it's okay if they aren't.  But that is their choice to make, not yours to make for them.  I will be damned if I will let my child's school tell my child to conform.  That they  MUST look like everyone else, or suffer consequences.   Because that is message you are sending.  Intentional or not.  Especially at a public school.  You can stick that where the sun don't shine my friends.  It goes against everything I have been trying to teach them.  And that, I think, is why I have such a problem with all of this.

The consequences she may have to deal with, should NEVER be because she didn't conform to what school administrators think she must be.  And THAT is the problem I have with all of this.

How about getting off your lazy asses and actually dealing out consequences for those who deserve it!  Bully once... detention.  Twice?  Suspension.  Three times, expulsion.   Three strikes and your out.  Period.  No exceptions.  Or how about teaching taking responsibility for your own actions?  Fail that test?  That's on you, not hair.  How are these kids going to learn self control if you keep taking away their opportunities to learn it?

It appalls me that society and/or parents allow this kind of crap.  Yes, it's crap.  You are telling these children there is only one way to be.  And that, I believe,  is wrong.

I have half a mind to let her dye her hair teal tell you to kiss my ass and hers.   Because, you see, that is where she is at right now.  She wants to dye the ends teal now, and purple again October, and either red or green in December.  And it's just hair, so why not?  Oh wait.... I forgot.  The school is now in charge of making those decisions for MY child.  I don't think so.  If I had the clout, every damn kid that was willing, would dye their hair any damn color they want the first day of school.  Because honestly, it's not up to you, school.  It's up to them and their parents.  You are a public school, not private.  And if  I could change her school over this, it would already be done.   You are now interfering with how parents are raising their kids.  It's not YOUR CHOICE, IT'S THEIRS. 

Signed:  One ticked off momma


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  2. i'm going thorough the colored hair thing right now, the new principle won't leave me alone about my hair being purple. i have been having colored hair since 8th grade and my freshman year i was followed around by the green unit principle on a daily bases, she was trying to bully me into dying my hair a natural color. now that its my senior year the new principle and the new green unit principle are doing the same thing that happened to me my freshman year. i going to cosmetology school because i want to be a hair dresser and like too do fun things with my hair. i told the green unit principle that i wasn't dying my hair a normal color and that if she wanted to have it repeated to her she could call my mom for a more hostile approach. i'm not playing with those people at that school, i'm not afraid of them, i do not work for them, and will not be controlled by them. they do not pay any bills in my house nor do they provide for me and they certainly aren't my parents so they can shut the fuck up because they are not relevant. this is my last year i'm just trying to get out of there.

  3. it's hair. Who cares!!!!????? If it is how you express yourself, who are they to tell you "no". Hair cannot be blamed for bad grades, distraction, trouble or anything else. It's a form of self expression. And between the ages of 12-22 you need to figure out who you are and how to express that. And it will change several times in that 10 year span. Trust me. Be you. Be true to you. And everything else will fall into place.