A few weeks back, Superstar wanted to cut all her long hair off. This caused quite a stir. I, personally, loved her long hair. She just wasn't going to be Superstar without it. But, it was her hair, and her call.
My eldest cut all her hair off in 1st grade. And so did my niece. Maybe it's the age. Maybe it's when they want to assert some kind of control over their lives. Or maybe they are starting the journey to finding who they are. Maybe it's about showing independence. Maybe it's all of it.. I would think ESPECIALLY all of if you are the middle girl of 3. Besides, it's just hair. It will grow back. Pick our battles, right?
You should have seen her the day it was cut. She GLOWED! She was so happy and vibrant. And her eyes still sparkled the same and her smile shone just as bright, if not brighter. So I guess I was wrong, she was still Superstar. =)
But Superstar has been talking to me lately, here and there. And I'm concerned.
"Mommy, I may talk funny because I have this gap in my front teeth."
"Mommy, my front tooth is coming in crooked."
"Mommy, when is my dentist appointment again?"
"Mommy, my smile is ugly now. When can I get braces?"
*que my breaking heart*
She is 6. And to me, I see the sparkle in her eyes. The vibrant way she lives. I see the shine in her smile. But she looks in the mirror and sees ugly. I don't think she is any more awkward than anyone else her age. She even hates how small she is. (one of the smallest in all the 1st grade).
She is also a lover. She loves to color me pictures, EVERY DAY. And write me notes. She loves to snuggle more than anyone I have ever met. And if she's going to hug you, well... Hold on tight. Because it's going to be a good one. And it's not going to be quick. She hangs on.
And she's smart. She is in advanced math, spelling and reading.
I see beauty in her both inside and out. Why can't she see that? I tell her she's beautiful all the time. =/
Then there is her older sister, my 10 yr old. I'll call her...Smartypants. Smartypants has always had a natural beauty to her. People have always told me how beautiful she is. And they are right. She is beautiful. She has long thick hair, no crooked teeth, she's a good build for her age. She too has eyes the sparkle. She is quick witted and smart. She has great skin! lol And Superstar has always looked up to Smartypants. When they stand in the bathroom in the morning, getting ready for school, and the images are not so matching, does she notice? Is that the problem? Because I try telling her that she is special. And she is beautiful. And that is not Smartypants but Superstar instead. And that is awesome.
Then today, someone told me how beautiful my eldest was again. And then then mentioned a few other girls around. They did not mention Superstar. My heart broke. How can anyone miss the beauty that is Superstar? How many times have people commented on how beautiful one child is, and not the other? No wonder she is getting a complex.
And why the concern over her teeth? I tell her the dentist will tell us when it's time to fix them. But she wants it done NOW. No wait, more like yesterday. She wants it done yesterday. Is anyone at school making her self-conscious?
Have you seen 6 year olds? They are small. Gangly even. They are missing teeth. And what teeth they do have don't match. Half are adult teeth, half baby teeth. It's just how they are. Why is she feeling so different? And why am I letting others compliment one daughter and not the other? What in world is wrong with me!? I sit here tonight feeling like I have failed Superstar.
There are times when someone will tell me how pretty Smartypants is, or even Bean (my 2 yr old). But I always say I think all my children are beautiful.
I think when her dentist appointment comes around next week, we will be speaking about fixing things sooner rather than later. If it helps her feel better, I'm all for asking what we can do. It can't hurt to ask.
I'm just at a loss tonight. She is so precious and beautiful to me.
What is the beast here? Is it jealousy over her sister? Is it trying to conform to what the world says is beautiful? Is it just trying to obtain beauty at all? Is it me? Is it society? I think arguments can be made in favor of any of these.
And what is beauty? To me it's more than someone who is pleasant to gaze upon. It's strength. It's grace. It's confidence. It's the sparkle in the eye and face that lights up with laughter. Is a personality that shines, just like Superstar has. It's kindness. It's thoughtfulness. True beauty comes from within and radiates outward. At least to me. I need to get her to see that. If she could, she would see just how incredibly beautiful she is.
|Superstar with her daddy.|
She really does light up a room with that smile.
I hate that she hurts. It makes me cry. All my children are beautiful to me. I feel as if I have failed her.