Today I talked with several people about all different kinds of relationships. I have been apart of conversations about marriage, friendship, and even family dynamic relationships. Tonight I sit here contemplating.
My eyes have been open to so much today. I'm so thankful for the people in my life.
My husband and I have come through A LOT. And I knew that. But today, it really started sinking in some more. And I am very grateful for him. No words every written, spoken, or sung; could ever come close to describing just how grateful I am for him or how much he means to me.
Now this isn't to say he hasn't hurt me in the past, or I him. Or that we won't do it again some time in the future. We love each other. But we are human and make mistakes. Even the closest relationships go through rough spots. But does that change how I feel about him or what he means to me? No. I love him. Period. He loves me. And it's that love that allows us to forgive. It's that love that allows us to cover over the transgressions sometimes, and move on, together.
But so often in life, we don't allow this same kind of thing to happen with others we love. We hold grudges. And relationships that once were so precious, start fading. And before you know it, you don't have a relationship anymore. What is it that causes us to pick and chose for whom we will love enough to have grace for?
I find myself hurting tonight. Drama has crept into the new year already. I am really sick of drama. I don't have any room in my life for it anymore. I have started cutting people out of my life that have too much of it, create it, or maybe just even feed off it. I don't have the energy for it. I don't want it in my life. But what do you do when it creeps into your life by someone you really care for? A friend? A family member? A spouse? A mentor? Whoever it is, what do you do? Do you love them enough to cover the transgressions and wrongs you feel have been done because you love them? Or do you hold the grudge? What if they are the one holding the grudge? What now?
I guess in life we all have those choices to make. Some are easier than others. I have done all I can do. I know I need to move past this. My hurt doesn't want me too.
I wrote about choices not long ago. Tonight I am making the choice to be a better person. I am making the choice to move past this, even in my hurt. I'm not sure how to do this though. So....
Lord, please help me to move past my hurt. Please help me to forgive. Help me to not be mean or cruel because I'm hurting. Heal my hurt, my wounds. Please. Restore the relationship in my life that has taken a hit, please. If it isn't meant to be restored, help me to get through that. Please give me strength. Please put your hand over my mouth and guard my words. For now they are weapons, sharp, and ready for strike. And that is not what I want. And I know that. I don't want to give my hurt a foothold into anger. Only harm can come from that. And bitterness. Help me deal with this please.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.