Blah. That's how I feel right now.
On one front, things are good. My kids are awesome. My hubby is amazing. And in the midst of the family crisis, my family (aunts, uncles, sisters, ect.) are once again banding together. I love how my family is so close. We get together for EVERY birthday and holiday. Most of us live less than 10 miles from each other (yes..cousins, mom, sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles). And the few who aren't here, we keep in touch with and visits are made as often as they can be. I love how close we are all. I wish all families could experience this. I draw a lot of strength from my family (including some of my in-laws as well).
I have been a bit run down lately. I'm not going to go into all the reasons, yet again. But some of the people I thought would be there for me, have backed off. Some of them have their own things going one. And maybe they think I'm crazy. Or maybe they are just tired of hearing it. I can't blame them. But I really need their support. I feel a bit abandoned.
I think they are tired of the this whole house mess. How do they think we feel. We keep getting told, "This is it!" And then we're told "This is your last option." And then we're told "No. Not this time. Oh but wait...we were wrong...try this." Just to go through it all, all over again. We are exhausted over this too. It's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I wanted people to be excited for us. And they were...at first. But now...They have all seemed to have left and I feel all alone on this roller coaster ride we are one. Just me and my hubby. I was hoping some of my friends would be along for the ride for support. And a few have stuck around...2. I am sooo thankful for them. I have found some people online who appreciate what we are going through and are saying prayers and being there for me. That has helped a lot.
About a month ago, I lost a friend I really liked over stupid stuff. Now to have more pretty much ignoring me, and some people close to me being very un-supportive, is weighing on me hard.
I know I will get passed this. I know in the end, no matter what happens, I'll be okay. I have a my awesome family and a few good friends. But it doesn't make this time in my life any easier right now.
I can see my mood swings lately. I fear as Sunday approaches, it will only get worse. I am under a ton of stress. Yes, this house thing is VERY stressful. My Granddad's health is VERY stressful. My kids being sick, somewhat stressful. More just sick of it at this point. And now I'm adding my emotional baggage with Sunday looming. I dread this time of year, every year.
I want to smile again, and really mean it and not have it be forced. I want to feel like everything is okay again. I want.... hope maybe? I have some. But it's dwindling. Fast. I am trying to hold on to it though...in several areas of my life.
I just needed a place to vent this out. No one wants to hear it. And this point, I doubt there are many that really care. I just need to let it out, so I can move on and move past this. This too shall pass. That's the good news. =)