Monday, March 7, 2011


Gone. Just like that.

We have been very very upfront with everyone from day one. We kept nothing hidden. A lawyer, 2 different mortgage loan reps with 2 different companies, and the rep of Ryan all told us we were good. Turns out , we aren't.

In Jan. of 09 we filed for bankruptcy, including our home.
In March we went to court.
In April of 09 it was discharged.

But somehow, in Dec. of 09 a foreclosure was filed on our last property anyway. We were never served papers. And yes, we had a change of address filed.

We are now are stuck for another year before we can get any loan anywhere for a home. Prices and interest are going up. That is NOT good news for us at all. What we can afford now, the quality home, will not be in our price range a year from now with interest rates over 5%.

It would SEEM as if we are stuck living in crappy houses, in crappy neighborhoods.

I am beyond crushed. I am devastated. Over and over again we asked all these people. Over and over again we were told no problem. Turns out, everyone was wrong.

Telling my kids was the hardest. My middle girl just broke down completely. "Why can't we ask someone else? Can Daddy get bonus?" Were just a few of the heart felt pleas she threw at me. I knew they'd be disappointed, but she fell apart...literally. Just fell down in tears. I caught her in my arms.

I kept saying I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Turns out I was right. I knew this was way to good to be true for us. We never had ANYTHING that wasn't a struggle or had some sort of horrible thing go along with it. And children are our biggest blessing, but even each on of their births came with horrible things.

All I want is a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood for kids to grow up in. I feel like we'll never get that.

We prayed this whole time for signs and confirmations, which we seemed to get. We prayed for God to shut the door if this wasn't for us before we took the next step. He never did. I am hurt. I don't understand how a loving God would allow this kind of pain. I have had enough damn pain in my life. And HE knows it. Not to mention the pain the children are now in.

Yes, my faith is shaken. Not entirely. I know who the Lord is. I still love him and will follow him. But my faith in how he is wonderful loving father who wants to bless his children and answer prayers and not lead us astray is definitely shaking. My core belief in who is has not changed. I still choose to love him, even if it feels like he doesn't love me. But right now, I'm angry and hurting. And I've told him as much.

Our dream was shattered tonight. And yes...this too shall pass and no one can predict the future. But going on all we DO know and how my life has played out, it doesn't look promising.

My poor husband is taking this as a personal failure. It's not his fault. That just kills me.

We are devastated. Crushed. My kids are hurting which only hurts me more. It would take a miracle for this turn around. But we aren't counting one. It is what it is. We. Are. Screwed.


  1. I am so sorry Noelle! I hate that you are going through this. You know we went through this recently (different reasons, same outcome) and it broke my heart. We can't have a baby until we are in a bigger home, which seems impossible.

    If you need to talk I am here.

  2. NIkki, you are the only one I think who can really understand how heartbreaking is. I truly hate that you went through this too. *hugs*

  3. Oh Noelle. I am so very sorry. I really was excited for you and wanted this for you so much. I know you think anything above 5% interest is high, but talk to your mom and aunt Sheila about buying their first homes at interest rates in the teens! We are still very far from those times (hopefully). I promise, if any of this money I waste on lottery tickets every week ever hits big, you are first on my list. I love you. Keep your chin up and don't lose your faith. Your faith is the only thing that keeps any little bit of mine going. And, EVERYONE knows Wes is one of the hardest working people this family has known. We are a large group of hard working people getting nowhere (at least not very fast), but we've managed to stay together and keep loving one another. Hugs to you and yours my sweet friend (and niece). Keep your eyes open for the open window. Give Wes a hug for me and pinch his butt for Greg.