Tuesday, February 7, 2012

A time for goodbyes..... almost

You light up the room with your smile
Haven't seen in it a while
but that's okay

You put up one hell of a fight
You never lost sight
of what mattered most...

You taught us the value of family
You lead us all so carefully
and we'll never forget

The gleam in your eye may be gone
but your love has not been withdrawn
from our hearts

Your new dawn is drawing near
Almost time to disappear
for a while

But you won't be gone for good
For we know what we should,
We'll see you again

So embrace your new life of being pain free
A life where you know no misery
and look upon us every once and while and smile

For we'll surly remember you in our hearts
For in there, you share a big part  
of our lives and memories

We won't forget you, that's a promise that's true
For in this world so big and wide, there was no one quite like you
and there never will be.

We love you more than you know
And we'll never let you go
but it's just about time to free yourself, and it's okay.

Your flame will always burn brightly in our hearts
but it's almost time for your spirit to depart
and be with those who have gone before you

This isn't goodbye, not by a long shot
It's just going to be a see you later, our time it's not
and that's okay

We still have our own things to do
our destinies to follow through
and we'll carry all you taught us with us

Tell those who have gone on before you
that we love and miss them too
We'll see you all soon enough

You have held on a long time and let shine your light
You fought a good fight
It's okay

 When your time has come, just know...
We love you.  We understand.  And a part of us goes with you.


Tonight I went to the hospital to see my Grandfather. They are trying to get him admitted to Hospice House.  We'll see what happens.  He slept for my entire visit.  He looked.... pretty good.  But his breathing is labored.  I suppose it's going to be with Lung Cancer.  

They talked about getting a hospital bed for him for when he finally comes home.  And I flashed to my husband's grandfather,  whom my kids affectionately called Great Dad.  I'll never forget saying our goodbyes to him, on that bed in his house.  My friends, there is such a thing as a death rattle.  And it's tears your heart to shreds and stabs at your gut.  I'll never forget that night.  Never.

I don't want the same thing for my Grandfather or his family.  There are no words that can describe wanting to let someone go, who wants to go, but their body just keeps fighting to stay when it's not what's best.  Great Dad was an awesome man of God.  We know where he is.  And when he passed a few days after our visit, it was relief.  But getting to that point was so hard.  Hard on him, hard on everyone.

I don't want that for my Granddad or loved ones.  I don't.  I want my Grandfather to know it's okay to go when the time is right.  That we love him enough to let him go.  That he is loved and always will be.  I pray that the Lord be merciful and take him quickly, in his sleep if possible.  The less pain the better.

I know it's not his time yet.  But I also know it's not too far off.  My heart just aches for him and the pain he is in.  It aches for his wife, my Grandmother.  She has been so strong.  She has been amazing.  As one family member put it, she's been heroic.  But her health is taking a hit as well.  Truth be told, I'm scared she may not follow far behind her husband.  I don't think she'll last years and years later.   I'm no doctor.   It's just my fear.

I am not ready to say my goodbyes yet.  None of us are.  But we know each day that passes is one day closer that we get to having to do that.  I don't think my Granddad is all out of fight just yet.  But he is growing weaker.  

It's just been an emotional night. 

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