Sunday, February 5, 2012

Chasing rainbows

I guess I should start out on a good note:  WOOOOHOOO!!!  GO GIANTS!!! Lovin' the fact they are the Super Bowl champs!  =)

On another note, my husband and I were both given a questionnaire a few weeks ago.  I filled mine out upon receiving it.  My husband finally got around to doing his today.  The person who gave us the questionnaire came by today to go over them.  My husband went first.  And all I can say is, WOW!

This isn't your normal kind of questionnaire.  it wasn't a "What's your favorite color" kind of thing at all.  I got to  really see his heart.  Where it lies.  What's important to him, who he trusts, and what really weighs on him.  It was an eye opener.  I am a VERY blessed woman. 

Then it was my turn.  It's funny how much we answered alike.  lol  I hadn't even realized it until it was my turn to turn in my answers.  Crazy.  It was one of those afternoons that just opened your heart and your mind and made your spirit soar.  It was amazing in every sense of the word.

But today also had it's draw backs.

I don't want to get into too many details, as to protect his privacy, but.....   I was told tonight I should bring my kids to see my Grandfather, and soon.  I had my baby bean with me last time.  But I do believe they are right.  I do believe the time is growing near.  I feel it in my heart.  I need to take my kids one more time to see him.  I guess I have been a bit worried to do that.  More for my kids than anything else.  My eldest is older and understands.  My 6 year old, not so much.  But I need to do this.  And I know it.

It's just hard to be at this place.  To know the end is nearing, is difficult.  He says he's dying now.  He knows.  He may not recognize his loved ones or be able to remember simple words in a sentence, but this...this he knows.  When he got the Cancer diagnosis, I can remember we all thought it would be a blessing that it would take him and not the Alzheimer's.  However, (and I'm not doctor), it seems like all it really did was speed up the Alzheimer's.  He is loosing his mind more quickly than ever, and his body is shutting down now it seems.  He is so much pain (that is the cancer).  It's so hard.

I wonder how my Grandmother is keeping it together as well as she is.  She is truly one hell of lady.  Her strength astounds me.  She is no "spring chicken".  She has health issues all her own.  And yet, despite her physical pain, she is there for him.  Even in ways I know we cannot even comprehend.  She really is an amazing woman.  This whole thing with my Granddad has really opened up my eyes to this woman.  And for that I'm thankful.

I know that no one wants to deal this kind of thing.  I wish no one had too.  But as hard as it is, there are silver linings. 

~My eyes being opened to just how amazing my Grandmother really is.
~My family coming together to deal with this as a family.  To support each other and him.  It's great to know that I come from a family deep and rich in love and support.
~This has opened up the younger generations' eyes to some conversations we should be having with loved ones.
~Yet another reminder that life is precious.  The we need to live it.  No regrets.
~Yet another reminder to make sure those we care about, KNOW just how much we care.

It's not always easy to try and see good in certain situations. Especially situations like this.  But it helps.  I don't want to always concentrate on the difficulties.  It helps to try and see if you can't find something good in it.  This helps me from becoming bitter. 

So I guess, in some ways, you could say today was full of both sunshine and rain.  And perhaps that is accurate.  But I am going to end this day looking upon the sunshine, and finding the rainbow in the rain.

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