Friday, February 4, 2011

trying to find the words

Well, last night apparently I lost a friend. We find out my husband's granddad is ill. Tonight he went to the hospital. Not good. Today my eldest came down sick. And it has been horrific.

She was horrible at the dr. office. To the point where she was almost to the point of twisting my wrist to the point of breaking it. With tears in my eyes, I told her to stop before she broke it. She lashed out and said "Good! Since I'm in pain you will be too." All this because they had to do a finger prick.

This is SOOOOO unlike her. Broke my heart. She's pushed me away, kicked me. And thrown several fits all day. Knowing she was in pain and hurting and sick, I have been patient today. Never once raising my voice to her. She continued to treat me poorly all day long. Tonight she took it the world wide web. She told out right lies online trying to hurt me. And when I confronted her about it, she didn't deny it. My heart has been breaking all day due to her actions. But I have shown so much patience and grace with her....

A dear friend of mine delivered today. Her baby was too early. He's fighting to breath in the NICU. I'm concerned for her and him, and their family. I want to be at a friend's loved one's funeral tomorrow to support her, but I cannot make it now and feel like a heel for it. Both families are in my prayers.

The past 24 hours have been so crappy. I feel the tears. They are ready to pour down my face. I'm not letting them though. It would be great to be with a girl friend and have a glass of wine and talk. But ... It's not going to happen. So here I sit...trying to let some of this out. I hate feeling this weak over all this crap. So I will be strong. Crying never really solves anything anyway. Not in cases like this. I keep holding onto the fact that tomorrow is a new day. It will better. "This too shall pass."

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