I'm old enough to NOT have to be going through some of this shit.
I have some pretty terrific friends. More than most I would I say. And that is not me bragging or anything of the such. I just know I have been blessed with people in my life whom I trust and care for and about; and them me.
I know there are people out there like my darling husband (dh), who have little to no close friends. He works entirely too much to have close relationships. On top of that, he holds grudges. If you hurt him, he doesn't get over too easily. So people who were once at the top of his short list, find themselves further down on list more times than not (but not always). But this blog isn't about him and his issues.
I would say, off hand, that I have at least 7 people I could go to any time with anything and they'd be there for me. Whether it was to let me vent, cry, bail me out, feed me, whatever the case may be. I think there are some that would be shocked to probably find out they aren't on list. I'd say that's a pretty good number of close friends...give or take. Most people would kill for just one. I also have many more that I just adore, and I know adore me too.
I know that I have come through a lot the past few years, and I have a good network people that supported me. And I have tried to be there to support them too. Sometimes support is phone call, or money. Sometimes it's just messages back and forth online. It can come in so many forms. And I am so thankful for the friends I have in my life....most of them.
I belong to facebook. And I can honestly say that my friends list ARE my friends. I clean it out a few times a year. I don't keep anyone that I do not consider a friend or really have any contact with. I don't care to boost up my numbers or anyone else's. I do not have time for fake friends in my life.
That being said..... Sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school. Like some of the people I thought/think to call friends really just don't give a damn. I'm a thorn in their side unless I some how can benefit them, or they are bored.
I never can tell if this is just me being fearful of rejection, or if any my feelings on the matter have merit. It's so hard to tell. So I sit, pray, and wait. Never saying a word. Still smiling. Still being friendly. Watching. Waiting for an answer.
It's never easy, no matter what your age, to find out people you liked and trusted and thought were friends, aren't. And I'm finding out more and more, that this is not just a high school thing. It is on going, all your life. I know several women going through the same thing.
I'm tired of one way friendships/relationships. Aren't friendships/relationships suppose to be two ways? I think it's time I start distancing myself slowly from the ones that I know longer believe to be my true friends.
I have a wonderful kids, an awesome husband (most of the time. lol). I have an incredible extended family and I know I have an amazing network of people I care for and that care for me. I don't need, nor do I have time, for false friendships.