So, earlier today we got some unfortunate news. And yes, it knocked me for a loop. I gotta tell ya, I'm learning something about myself, and I'm not real sure if I like it.
I don't deal well with disappointment. Especially when life seems to throw it at me over and over and over again. It would seem as if I feel every damn hurt and sting deeply for a time period. Whether it's a few hours, a few days, or God forbid a few weeks.... I feel it and I feel it deep. That sucks. I do get knocked down. Hard. But after whatever time period I guess my mind and my heart deem it necessary to wallow in defeat, I seem to find my gumption again.
Today I was knocked down. I spent the afternoon asking the normal questions:
Why? Why us? Why did this happen? What could we have done differently? And so on and so forth. But then I always come back to this question:
If I had the answers, what would it change? The truth is no matter how awful something is (or we perceive it to be), it is what it is. We can't change it. What matters now is how we deal with it. It's like that saying:
"It is what it is, but it will become what you make it."
I don't know if me falling apart for a period is a good thing or a bad. But I do know it's my way of starting to deal with things. I get it all out, however long it takes. Then I am able to move on. And that's where I am at tonight.
The road less traveled in this case had a dead end. So we're back to the road we know all too well (and hate and loathe and despise). But we know it, this path. And until we are called once again to try yet another path, we will stay on this one and do all we can to kick it's butt and not have it kick ours.
The time for wallowing is over. Does it suck? Yup. Still sucks. But it's time to put on my big girl panties and move on. So what if it is not the direction we were hoping to head in. I have to trust that somewhere down that road was something that wasn't pretty, even uglier than this, and it wouldn't have been good for us. This, this we know how to do. We've done disappointment before. We know to lean on each other and our faith. And we are. Perhaps with all we have going on personally, another change wasn't good for us at this time. I still believe with all my heart that a big change is still needed and I still hope it's on the way. But timing is everything, right? And I want it when the time is right.
So, here we ago again. But at least we have each other. I have to tell you, things in my marriage may not be all sunshine and roses right now, but that's okay. I know there is no one I really want beside when things get rough. And that says it all, doesn't it?
So tomorrow is a new day. We'll tackle it together, and work through our bump and detour as a team. Life isn't always going to to be good to us. In fact, if I have learned anything it's that life is full of gloom and disappointment more than anything else at times. But we can't let that color the way we see life all the time. Give the hurts, the disappointments, the gloom, the bad and the ugly their moment. Feel it, but don't wallow in it for too long. Remember, there are days full of sunshine too. Days where the flowers bloom bright. We have to find a balance. Best way to do that?
1. Look for the silver linings on the gloomy days
2. Stop to smell the roses and enjoy the sunshine when possible. It will get you through the rough storms.
3. Find someone or something to hold onto when the storms of life come your way. A Rock. I have learned I have many. My family, my husband, and my Faith.
4. And when all else fails, cry with the rain when needed, then go out and dance in it. Own it. Make it yours. Splash in the puddles. Because as the saying goes....you can't have rainbows with out the rain.