Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Gray Matter

I was catching up on a show I DVRed tonight.  (One episode left and I'm caught up!  YAY!!)  And although the actual show is all make believe, and based on such, it got me thinking about life.  My post on FB (Facebook) tonight was this:

Catching up on a show tonight. Makes me think... Funny how everyone wants life to be black and white. And how quick people are to judge. But they don't always have all the facts. And yes, right is right and wrong is wrong. But I do believe there is a gray area that God sees. A gray area we all get lost in from time to time. Maybe that's where grace comes in....

It amazes me how quick people are to judge others.  I'm not saying I have never judged.  I have.  I'll admit it.  I'm not proud of it.  As life moves forward, I find myself trying harder and harder not to judge others.  I remind myself that I don't have all the facts about any given situation, that there are 2 sides to every story always.  And somewhere in the middle of those two stories is the absolute truth.  Our truths are not always the absolute truth.  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  And even though, yes, right is right and wrong is wrong, I think that gray area effects us more than we know.

Lets say you find out a neighbor is having an affair.   What do you think of them?  Are you quick to judge?  Let's say it's the wife this time.  Do you think she is an awful person and her husband deserves better?

Now what if I tell you that the husband beats her behind closed doors.  What if he has threatened the life of her and anyone else she is ever involved with should he find out.  What then?  What if she tried to leave before and was beat within an inch of her life?  What now?  What if the wife didn't plan on it, but did finally find a love that was real with her affair?  Does that somewhat change your view of the situation?  Yes, it's wrong, but now you have understanding and perhaps feel sympathy for her.

What if it was the man having an affair?  Would you think scumbag?  Or perhaps "way to go!"?  What if I told you that his wife worked long hours.  And when she came home she had no time for him.  What if he had been neglected emotionally for years by her.  And she didn't care.  What if he never set out for the affair?  What if he just slowly over years built a friendship with someone and then that turned to more.  What if this woman truly cared for him and him for her?  What if the husband was torn between the two women?  The one he married and made vows too, and the one he loves will all he has in him?  What then?  Any difference in your thinking now?  What if the husband and wife had tried all they could, and she was unwilling to change?

Here is one for you:  What if him being married led him to the love he was always meant to be with?  Do to choices made by the other person, things didn't happen as they should have and this was the only way for them to get together?  Do you believe in that?

Don't get me wrong, affairs are horrible!!  They are wrong.  Period.  But as this show made me think, sometimes we don't have all the facts and we judge.  We judge without walking a minute in this other persons shoes.  And we judge based on who we are and how things effect us, not on who THEY are and how things effect them. 

Gray Matter.

What if a man was arrested for murder.  Burglary gone bad.   He beat a man to death.  The home owner.  What do you think now?

Now lets say that the man arrested was laid off over a year ago and despite his best efforts couldn't find work.  He was losing his home.  Lets say he was a widower, with 3 young children.  Lets say he ran out of government help and needed to feed his kids and knew this house had more than enough.  All he wanted was food for his kids.  What if he reasoned with home owner, and the home owner pulled a gun on him anyway and it was a struggle for life and death.  Not just his life, but that of his kids as well.  Because if he dies, what will happen to his kids?

Yes, theft is wrong.  Period.  But desperate people do desperate things.  What if because of circumstances we cannot even imagine, he was driven to this?  What then?  Yes he was wrong to break in.  The death was accident.  The man who died had no compassion.  Does it even make a difference in how you see the situation at all?

Gray Matter.  It's everywhere.  We all have made poor choices because of it at one time or another.  And if you haven't yet, God bless you.  Someday, you will.  When we are ruled with emotions, we can't always see black and white for what they are.  Sometimes it's all gray and blended.  Sometimes we just want... an escape?  A way out?  To be loved?  To be be thought of as important?  To take care of our loved ones?  Whatever it is....  one day I think everyone will face it.  I pray that is where God's grace comes in.  I really do.  Because I think we all get caught up in it at one point or another.  I pray we learn from it if we are caught up in it and let it makes us better people.

I wish things were always black and white.   But the truth is they aren't.  There is gray, whether you admit it or not.  And until you have lived that gray area, you have no right to stand in judgement of anyone.  After all, we are all human.  We all make mistakes, right?

Gray matter.  No matter what it is, no matter how big or small, I think it stinks.  I think it can ruin lives if we let it.  OR, we can learn from it and move on.

Gray matter.  I wish everyone would remember it's out there.  I wish everyone would remember that they don't have all facts before they pass judgement on others.

Gray matter.  It's there.  Whether you like it or not. 


  1. This is an interesting read. Of course there are gray matters at times if you make them gray. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. When people commit to marriage they take a vow, a promise to one another not to cheat. If that person goes and cheats they are in the wrong no matter the circumstance. There are other options, file for divorce, become separated, talk with the husband/wife. A person breaking into a home is wrong no matter what the needs. There are other options. I am not saying what you have written is wrong by any means and do see what you are saying, I just feel some of the "gray matter" is b.s. for people who do the wrong thing and try to find some justification for it.

  2. I agree Anon. Right is right and wrong is wrong. People should not partake in anything that is wrong whether it's infidelity, a crime, drugs, lies, whatever. It could be anything. And in some situations things are very clearly a black and white issue (I'm sorry, but I do sit in judgment of child molesters and such. I shouldn't but I do.)
    I just think there are other times when even though right is right and wrong is wrong, if we had all the information, we might understand why the wrong choice was made. We may be more sympathetic and less judgmental.
    Maybe if the world was more sympathetic/empathetic and less judgmental, we'd reach out to help those who have made more choices instead of sitting in judgment of them. And maybe we could be a help and not a hindrance.

  3. *poor choices not more choices