The title is from Julius Caesar. The Soothsayer said it, I think. I'm not sure about the "Ides" exactly (which is the 15th of March I to believe), but I can tell you right now, I HATE MARCH! HATE IT!! (okay... a few years ago my car was totaled on March 15 by an idiot who ran a stop sign...so maybe there is something to it after all. lol)
Every year, from March-May, my husband's work goes on this competition to sell as much as possible. My husband practically lives there anyway, but these 3 months are the worst. He will pretty work 12 -14 hour days, EVERY day, 6 days a week most weeks. Although we both will do our best to make sure that no longer happens, sometimes it is what it is. It's hard time for me. It's hard for him. We call this time "Hell". Because to us, it is.
Then there is remembering....
My cousin died in a car accident when he was 16 (he was not driving and not at fault). His birthday is this month. He would have been 34 I believe. You can't have March without thinking of him.
He was the kinda guy, even at 16, that just infected you. His smile lit up his face and the room. He was a big family man. Always was. He loved being with family, all of us. On holidays, he would bring fun things for us all to do together. I like to imagine that if he were still around today he probably would have served in the armed forces. He'd have a wife. And he would have been an amazing dad. He wasn't your typical teenager. That's not say he didn't like some of the typical things teenage boys like, but I have never met another man that age that was as deeply rooted in common sense and family values as he was.
My father died when I was just a little girl on March 27th. That alone is enough to just hate this month. So anyway, you can see, that this time of year (March) has my family deep in thoughts of loved ones passed.
This year, we add another one that list, my Granddad who just passed. You see, Granddad was Irish. And his favorite holiday (other than Christmas) was St. Patrick's Day. My family always gets together for this holiday. We make a ton of food! It's always a good time. This year, it will be the first holiday we will celebrate with my Grandfather here. Add to that, that it was one of his favorites, well.... You can imagine.
I, in some ways, am not looking forward to this weekend. I'm not looking forward to the tears and pain I know this weekend holds for all of us. It's the first holiday without him. It's another reminder that our lives are going on without him (without all of them).
But in other ways, I am looking forward to this weekend. I am looking forward to the comfort of being with family, my family. I am looking forward to the talks and laughter. I'm looking forward to the food. I'm looking forward to us all just being together again and going through this together. I love that my family is like this. I know a lot families out there live too far from each other or don't make the effort to stay close. I know a lot of families are full of drama and they only think that families like mine only exist on the big screen. And that just makes me all the more thankful for what I have. It makes my family all the more precious to me. All of them.
March is not my most favorite month. It's probably my least favorite (after January). But as painful as this month is, it also serves as a reminder of all I do have, of the family I still have that love me, and how I love them. It helps me to stop and stock of where I am in life and remember some of the things that passed family members have taught me.
March is when spring is ushered in.,a time of renewal and new life. A time of hope. I stop and think of what my family members who are no longer here meant to me. I am reminded of the blessings they were to me, to have such great men in my life... amazing. I stop and look at all who are in my life now, family and friends, and smile at the blessing each one is to me. March forces me to look at my life and count all my blessings. So perhaps, in some ways, it's a renewal time for me too.
Perhaps March isn't all bad. Maybe it's more of a two edged sword. One side does hurt, no doubt. But without that hurt perhaps I would not stop and take the time to realize all the good I have in my life today.
I can't wait to be with my family again this weekend. I think a part of me really needs it.
I don't know if I'll write again before this weekend. So just in case: Happy St. Patrick's Day Y'all! Enjoy the time you have those who mean something to you. You never know when it may be the last.