Saturday, May 14, 2011

Cracking again

I think I will be enjoying a drink or two tonight. I just can't take this anymore.

In the past 2 1/2 months:

~ I have learned my Grandfather who has Alzheimer's also has lung cancer.
~ His Alzheimer's had some very scary moments that caused the whole family stress and worry.
~ He is in the ICU tonight due to complications from a previous procedure. He had to have a blood transfusion and my mom is up there tonight with him.
~ I have all the stress of trying to pack up this house
~ The stress of trying to buy/build this new house (do you know how many times we heard banks say, "yes we can do it. no." Do you know how stressful that it is. We are still waiting for final approval from this one.)
~ My husband's grandfather died
~ Financial stress b/c we can't do much b/c we are trying to get this house. We want to make sure we have enough for closing, and blinds and such for the house.

And now I'm trying to plan a combined birthday for my girls. I won't be in the country for one of their birthdays. And since they are only 2 weeks apart, it just makes sense to have one party (they will be 6 and 2). But I can't afford to rent a place out. I need a place to contain my wild toddler. And my house is not big enough and we will be in the processes of packing it up. We thought we had a place to have it, but due to the time the party has to be, it fell through. I just don't know what to do. My girl cried.

What kind of parent am I? My eldest's birthday was cancelled due to the stomach bug hitting. And now I may not be able to have parties for my other two as well. My house will not hold 35 people. It's too small and cramped. And with no spare money to rent anything.... What do I do?

I feel like a failure. I feel like I just keep letting them down. I just don't know how to plan this party any more. I can't take all the stress in my life and I am cracking at the seems this week.

I just feel like I can't do anything right.

I feel like a failure.

And we've calmed our girl down by telling her we'd figure something out, but I honestly have NO idea what that will be. I am lost. She's already upset she is not having her party where she wanted, but to have no party?

God help me. I don't know how much more I can take.

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