Why I am in favor of Valentine's Day

Ah yes.... that day... that time of year when men and women set out to show their love for one another. For some it's a day of joy. For others it is a big disappointment. I heard the argument for some time now that couples should show their love for one another every day, not just on Valentine's Day. And I have to say, in theory, I agree with that!!! Couples SHOULD show their love for each other on a regular basis, not just one day a year. But here's the problem with that.... Life sometimes gets in the way. I support Valentine's Day. Why? Well, not because it feeds our economy which clearly needs the lift. lol But for other reasons. I think if couples who are totally in love and want yet another day to prove it or show it, then good for them! Who are they hurting? No one! They are boosting our economy while doting on their loved one. Good for them! But, there is also the other side. The couples who get caught up in day to day life. The couples who love each other, but due to circumstance they can't always control, life has gotten in the way. Valentine's Day is a day for them to set aside to try and rekindle their romance. It's a reminder that "Hey you!!! You need to show the one your with what they mean to you!" What's so wrong that? Sometimes some people need that. Yes, in theory, couples shouldn't need a day to remind them. But have you ever had marital issues? Have you ever dealt with the illness of child or the death of loved one so severe, it consumed your day to day lives? Or how about a job loss that lasted for months and effected your lives in ways you never expected? Ever had an in-law have to come live you, and you become their care taker? Maybe even on top of raising your kids? Valentine's Day can become the wake up some couples need to re-connect and find that spark again. It can be the first step down a path to the romance they once had. Should couples show their appreciation every day for each other? Sure! Yes! HELL YES!!! And if you are in one of those kinds of relationships, cherish it!!!! Because a lot of couples find that life gets in the way sometimes. And sometimes they need a day to come along and kick them in the pants and get them motivated. Sure... the day was most likely invented just to boost sales. But if it also helps some couples re-connect, then what's so bad about it? Like or hate it, it's here. And sometimes, it has results no one ever imagined possible. ;) So cheers! To all the couples who have it together, to all the couples who are working on it, and to all those looking for mr. or mrs. right. There is always hope.

Losing...heartbroken

I write tonight with a very heavy heart.

One of my children has been bullied this year by someone she thought to be friend. It has caused her a lot of emotional turmoil.

Let me just say bullying is NOT okay. It damages people. It can ruin people's lives!

We have gone through all the proper channels. The offender was told to stay away from my daughter, no more contact. She was told that on Friday.

Today the bully continued to embarrass and harass my daughter. Both in class and on the bus. It quickly escalated to a violent act against my daughter.

I did what any mother would do.... I went straight up to the school and demanded answers and action. The school is going through protocol and I have every faith in them. However, after all that has happened we feel there is no other course of action but to press charges against this student. We have to keep our daughter safe, and we have to make sure this kind of behavior doesn't continue. Not against her, or anyone else.

But this post isn't about that really. It's about me needing a place to let out all my frustrations.

As any parent, I hurt for my daughter. Deeply. But a part of me hurts for this other child as well. Where does one learn to be hateful? My first thought, is home. What is going on in her life that makes her feel like being hurtful and hateful is okay? Where did she learn this? I am not saying it is her parent/parents' fault. I don't know her home life. But I am curious. Wouldn't you be?

Here is my confession: A part of me hurts for this girl, the bully. A part of me wants to just hug her, hold her, and tell her it'll all be okay. A part of me wants to invite her into my home weekly and be stable source of love and life for this girl. I want to be some kind of .... light? hope? I don't the know what the word is... positive influence!!!.... in her life. And it's upsetting me. Because how can I feel these things for the person that has caused so much hurt and trauma to my own daughter? I am sure the hateful comments about this are sure to come.

The truth is, I can't invite her into my home. I can't invite my daughter's tormenter into her safe place. I have to protect my daughter first and foremost! She has to come first, and does. But my heart still hurts and bleeds for this other girl as well.

The whole situation is just so sad to me. Two girls... broken in different ways. I am not sure anyone can understand how upsetting this all is to me. My daughter has been though hell and back. And she still has a long way to go. And I am just heartbroken for her. There are no words to describe the hurt. She is such a beautiful, bright, fun, loving, compassionate, smart, funny kid. She doesn't deserve this. No one does. It hurts to know that she has allowed someone the power to take away her self worth and confidence. It hurts to see her pain and what she is going through.

What is wrong with me that I want to keep my daughter safe and yet I hurt for this other kid as well? I don't know.

My daughter and I have a song that is really speaking to us right now (You know me! What is a blog post without a song? Music runs deep in my family). The song with lyrics is below. Come to find out...my daughter and I both are struggling with the "How dare she!? How could she?" and feeling bad for her. I am glad my daughter has that kind of heart.

So as crazy as this sounds.... We are going to pray for her. I still want this kid to know that actions have consequences, and what she is doing is not okay,and never will be. But that doesn't mean we can't lift her up in prayer, right?

So...we pray for her. And we pray for my daughter. And we hope for a better tomorrow......













"Losing"

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love, this is hate...
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Oh, no!

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

[x2]
Oh, Father won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
Yeah, I feel like I've been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losin'

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Who would have guessed?

Life has been.... peaceful lately.  That's not say we haven't had life throw us some curve balls, we have.  And it looks like we may be starring at a few more.  But through all the junk life seems to have in store for us right now, I am still peaceful.  More so than I ever have been.

Something has happened in my journey of life in 2013 and I am not sure when or where it occurred.  Somewhere in the hell that began as this year, and now, there was a change.  A huge change!  A change in me and in my thinking on some pretty major things. 

My relationship with my husband has changed.  We went through hell and back this year.  And now, we have something new... Peace. I have learned a lot about myself this year, and it's not even over yet. 

Is there still stress?  You betcha!  But it's nice you can have a sense of peace in the middle of the storm. 

And a prayer, a long time prayer, a 14 yr old prayer, got answered.  I stopped pushing.  I stopped complaining.  I let go of bitterness.  But I still prayed.  And after all this time, it was finally answered.  It took something we were afraid of happening to happen first.  But when it did, there was really nothing to have feared.  And in the end, it took what we feared to bring upon the answer to the prayer.

I wonder how many times in life we have let fear keep us from a promise or from an answer we have so desperately wanted or needed?  And how many times were we afraid of something to only have to face it?  And by then, it wasn't nearly as awful as we thought it could be.  (most of the time)

Sometimes it takes facing what you fear most to get the outcome you most wanted.

Life is kinda funny like that.

I am still learning about fear and about all it strips away from us.  But who would have guessed that our own fears, our own actions to make sure we wouldn't have to face our fear, is what held up the answer to my prayer?  I was my own worst enemy.  And all this time I blamed God.   I wonder how many other times we blame Him for things, when if we would just "let go and let God" (trust in Him to see us through), things would be answered, or better, or different?  This is definitely a lesson I need to remember.

I am so sorry Lord it took me so long to get to this point.  I am so sorry for blaming You, when the whole time it was me, us.  Help me to let go and trust You more.  In Jesus's name, Amen.

Same ol' shit different day

Glass half empty, Glass half full
No matter how you see it, half ain't full

Life throwin me the same ol' shit, different day
As if I really wanted life  to turn out this way

Loneliness is a hard burden to bare
Life so full in some ways,in others,there is no one here to share

Was never meant to do it all alone
never wanted too
But life has it's plans all it's own

No point in cryin, No point in tears
Just pick yourself up, And watch the years

Pass you by as every day
you do the same thing, and hope for change

Promises made and always broke
Your promises are nothing but jokes

So I live this lie every day
that everything is fine and we're okay

One day our birds will leave our nest
What happens then?  What happens next?

Two strangers in a house we'll be
When will you wake up and see?

What you call life is passing us by
And the two of us aren't on the same ride

Bound by love, bound by chains
Bound by vows, but who's to blame?

I suppose we both played our part
in tearing what we had apart

Hope in us has been long gone
A friend forever, but no more love song

It is what it is, whatcha gonna do?
Make another promise or two?

Don't even bother this time, I know how it ends
Broken promises once again.

Same ol' shit, different day
Life wasn't suppose to be this way.









 

Things I would want my children to know

I was thinking tonight....  What if I weren't here tomorrow?  What would my children remember about me?  What lessons would they remember learning from me?  So this is an open letter to my children....just in case.  Enough of you know of them.  Should anything ever happen to me, please make sure they see this.

My dearest children,

      It is my utmost hope that you knew how much I loved you.  All the little notes, the snuggles, the inside jokes, the talks, and all the "I love you"'s (to name a few).  You were each my reason for living.  You were each my love, my life.  You were the spark and joy in my life.  And we have something so very precious....LOVE.  LOVE NEVER ENDS!  IT NEVER DIES!  And I will take your love with me.  And my love for you will live on in your hearts and memories forever. It will always be with you.  I promise.   A part of me will always be with you.  And one day will be together again.

Try not to be angry.  Everyone must die.  It would grieve me terribly to see you get angry over this.  Instead, be there for one another.  And be there for dad.  He may not handle this too well.  Give him grace and know that he too is hurting.  It's okay to cry.  It's okay to hurt.  But please allow yourselves to heal as well.

As I sit here typing this, there is a thunderstorm outside.  I love the sound of rain as it hits the window panes.  I have always found it relaxing.  The slow rumble of thunder....  Perhaps from time to time, when you hear the rain beating against your window, you will remember me, and smile.

You already knew my favorite color.  Some other things that I loved were music, poetry, a good book, and chocolate.  I love hot bubble baths.  I loved music, all kinds.  I hope that you will remember all the music we played and me watching you dance or dancing with you, twirling you.  I loved that too.  I loved snuggling and good hugs.  And you kids were the best at snuggling and hugging.  World champs!

I want you to know how proud I always was of you all.  I know I could be tough at times.  And from time to time I made mistakes.  But I always tired to do everything out of love.  My job was not to always be nice, but to teach.  To teach to you responsibility.  To teach you respect, for others and yourselves.  To teach you about consequences.  And yes sometimes. you had to learn that life is not fair.  No one ever said it was suppose to be.  But you can't let it get you down.  Not for long.  I had to start teaching you to take care of yourselves, because no one else will when you get older.

I loved your bright smiles and laughter.  I loved your notes to me.  I loved it when you guys got along and played with one another.  I loved when you helped each other out and encouraged each other.  Please don't ever stop doing that.  This world is hard enough.  You will need each other too much later in life.  So what if you fight.  You're sisters.  But forgive and move past it.

You are each so much stronger than you realize.  I know you may not feel very strong now.  But even strong people cry.  Even strong people allow themselves to get upset and grieve when needed.  Strength comes in knowing when it's okay to do such things.  Foolishness is to try not to do any of those things.

Your lives will go on, but I will never be far.  When life gets rough, just know I am still in your hearts.  I leave a piece of me with each of you.

And yes, I know you loved me.  I do.  I know you are probably kicking yourselves for every mistake or time you got in trouble.  DON'T!  It's part of being a kids and of growing up.  I know you loved me deeply, just as I love you deeply.  And I know that love also goes with me.  You guys are amazing.  I am honored to have been your mom.  You all were my greatest treasures.

Some things to know for later in life...

1.  You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince.  You are going to have bad relationships and breakups.  It's a part of the learning process.  Some relationships may end well.  Others I guarantee will not.  But you will learn what you are looking for in your future husband.  And you will learn to show love to someone else.  You will learn a lot about yourselves with each failed relationship.  Just know that for each fail, it means you are one step closer to being with the right one.  Hurt for a while, then pick yourself up, dust off, and start moving on.

2.  Life isn't always about you.  Sometimes it's about others.  Don't ever forget to be kind to each other, friends, and strangers.  Never be afraid to lend a helping hand.  And never look for anything in return.  Treat others the way you would want them to treat you, no matter how they seem to be treating you at the time.

3.  Everyone deserves a 2nd chance.  But not everyone deserves more than that.  Remember that.  There will come a day when you screw up.  I promise.  Learn from it!  And remember just as you make foolish mistakes, so do others.  But don't be door mat.  Don't let others walk all over you.  You'll learn this fine line as you grow, gain experience, and mature.

4.  Get out and live!!!  Don't sit inside on your electronics.  Go ride your bikes.  Go roller skating.  Go do things!!  You have this one life to live, so live it.  Make it count.  But don't be stupid.  You won't need drugs to have a good time.  And anyone telling you differently is lying.  Pray for them.

5.  In order to have good friends, you must first be a good friend.

6.  Work hard.   Nothing in this life is given for free.  Someone somewhere is working for it.  Nothing will ever be just given to you.  If  you want something, go out and work hard for it.  There is a reward in knowing you worked hard to get what you wanted.  Don't be lazy!
The only way to get what you want is to work for it yourself.

7.  So show compassion and empathy.  It seems to be a lost art.  Don't let bitterness take root in you.  You are better than that.


I am sure there are more things you should know that I never had the chance to finish showing you or teaching you.  And for that, I am sorry.  But this should be a good base for you to start at.  ;)

I love you.  I have loved you since the day I found out you were in my belly.  And I will love you for all eternity.  Thank you for loving me back.  It was my honor to be your mother.

All my love, forever and ever....

~mom xox♥xo

Poker

Know when to hold them and know when to fold them.  The cardinal rule of poker.  If you have got a losing hand, fold it.  No sense in wasting time or money something that has no chance in hell of winning.

There are those bluffers though. Those who hold a crap hand and try to convince you it's not only a good hand, but a winning hand.  Liars.  That's what they are, simply put.  Poker is a game that celebrates lying.  The better bluffer (liar) you are, the more you win.

Life is a lot like poker.  We are dealt a hand, and we don't have a choice as to what the hand is.  But it's how we play it that matters.  Do we hold them or fold them?

Ever heard the saying, "Never kid a kidder"?  Same could be said in poker.  Never bluf a bluffer.  The trick to a good bluf (lie) is to almost believe it yourself.  Then everyone else will too.  The problem is, in life, sometimes you get so good at bluffing (lying) you do start to believe in them yourself.  Then you are really screwed.

 I have had a really good bluffer in my life.  I always bought into what they said.  I think they wanted to believe in everything they said too.  But they never did follow through.  Ever.  Talking and doing are two different things.  I thought I  had a winning hand.  I thought it would take some work, it wouldn't be easy, but it was a winner.  I should have re-examined my hand long ago.  Maybe I wouldn't be where I am now.

In Hold'em poker, you play the best of the cards dealt and hope for the best.  I think I have played this game to many times. It's time to for a new game.  A new hand maybe.  Time to cut loose the cards that aren't winners and focus on what is.  Maybe then I'll have a chance at winning.

I'm folding this one.  I'm changing the game.  Life is too short for this crap.  So deal me a new hand.  I am finally ready.

Ryan Recalls On Fireplaces and Frontload Washers

Ryan has issued two recalls on products.  One is on some of the fireplaces, the other is on front load washers.

Please visit  http://www.myryanhome.com/RecallNotices.aspx    and click on the links to see if yours is part of the recall.