Monday, October 28, 2013


I write tonight with a very heavy heart.

One of my children has been bullied this year by someone she thought to be friend. It has caused her a lot of emotional turmoil.

Let me just say bullying is NOT okay. It damages people. It can ruin people's lives!

We have gone through all the proper channels. The offender was told to stay away from my daughter, no more contact. She was told that on Friday.

Today the bully continued to embarrass and harass my daughter. Both in class and on the bus. It quickly escalated to a violent act against my daughter.

I did what any mother would do.... I went straight up to the school and demanded answers and action. The school is going through protocol and I have every faith in them. However, after all that has happened we feel there is no other course of action but to press charges against this student. We have to keep our daughter safe, and we have to make sure this kind of behavior doesn't continue. Not against her, or anyone else.

But this post isn't about that really. It's about me needing a place to let out all my frustrations.

As any parent, I hurt for my daughter. Deeply. But a part of me hurts for this other child as well. Where does one learn to be hateful? My first thought, is home. What is going on in her life that makes her feel like being hurtful and hateful is okay? Where did she learn this? I am not saying it is her parent/parents' fault. I don't know her home life. But I am curious. Wouldn't you be?

Here is my confession: A part of me hurts for this girl, the bully. A part of me wants to just hug her, hold her, and tell her it'll all be okay. A part of me wants to invite her into my home weekly and be stable source of love and life for this girl. I want to be some kind of .... light? hope? I don't the know what the word is... positive influence!!!.... in her life. And it's upsetting me. Because how can I feel these things for the person that has caused so much hurt and trauma to my own daughter? I am sure the hateful comments about this are sure to come.

The truth is, I can't invite her into my home. I can't invite my daughter's tormenter into her safe place. I have to protect my daughter first and foremost! She has to come first, and does. But my heart still hurts and bleeds for this other girl as well.

The whole situation is just so sad to me. Two girls... broken in different ways. I am not sure anyone can understand how upsetting this all is to me. My daughter has been though hell and back. And she still has a long way to go. And I am just heartbroken for her. There are no words to describe the hurt. She is such a beautiful, bright, fun, loving, compassionate, smart, funny kid. She doesn't deserve this. No one does. It hurts to know that she has allowed someone the power to take away her self worth and confidence. It hurts to see her pain and what she is going through.

What is wrong with me that I want to keep my daughter safe and yet I hurt for this other kid as well? I don't know.

My daughter and I have a song that is really speaking to us right now (You know me! What is a blog post without a song? Music runs deep in my family). The song with lyrics is below. Come to find daughter and I both are struggling with the "How dare she!? How could she?" and feeling bad for her. I am glad my daughter has that kind of heart.

So as crazy as this sounds.... We are going to pray for her. I still want this kid to know that actions have consequences, and what she is doing is not okay,and never will be. But that doesn't mean we can't lift her up in prayer, right?

So...we pray for her. And we pray for my daughter. And we hope for a better tomorrow......


I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love, this is hate...
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Oh, no!

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

Oh, Father won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
Yeah, I feel like I've been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losin'

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'


  1. I have a friend who's son has issues and has been bullied at school. Everything came to a head on Valentines day. He received 1, O-N-E, valentines card and it wasn't even from a classmate. He doesn't understand how someone could not like him. He has a very sweet and simple mind and just didn't deserve the torment he has received. He is bullied in school and on the bus. As part of our support for him, we all sent him valentines, gifts, and candy. He even received a signed baseball from the San Francisco Giants (World Series winning team that year). His mo was completely overwhelmed by the support for her son. Since Feb., he has continued to be bullied and has been missing quite a bit of school due to health issues and the fact that he is just sad to go to school. No child should fear school - dislike school, sure, but not fear it.

    In an effort to help with bullying, his mom has talked to the school, PTA, and county school board. She was also interviewed on TV. You should check out her facebook page - So inspiring.

    Hope that you can get to the bottom of the bullying. And I agree, there is probably something going on at home and my guess would be that mom and dad are probably both working and just don't have time to spend watching over their child and they are now acting out. OR, heaven forbid this child is being bullied themselves and is now bullying others to make someone else hurt as much as they hurt.

  2. That is just terrible for your daughter. At our school, there is zero tolerance for bullying, although that's what they say. Please tell me the other girl got suspended. Do they have zero tolerance for bullying at your school? I just don't understand how kids can still continue to be bullied nowadays with all of the stories they hear and how much trouble the bullier can get into. :(

  3. Our school said it had a zero tolerance policy, but it was evident it does not. We ended up seeking legal advice. and things after some time finally died down with this girl, but not before another one started up. My daughter still continues to deal with bullying in some form daily. It breaks my heart. We are looking into the possibility of changing her school next year

  4. Maybe home schooling?