Who would have guessed?

Life has been.... peaceful lately.  That's not say we haven't had life throw us some curve balls, we have.  And it looks like we may be starring at a few more.  But through all the junk life seems to have in store for us right now, I am still peaceful.  More so than I ever have been.

Something has happened in my journey of life in 2013 and I am not sure when or where it occurred.  Somewhere in the hell that began as this year, and now, there was a change.  A huge change!  A change in me and in my thinking on some pretty major things. 

My relationship with my husband has changed.  We went through hell and back this year.  And now, we have something new... Peace. I have learned a lot about myself this year, and it's not even over yet. 

Is there still stress?  You betcha!  But it's nice you can have a sense of peace in the middle of the storm. 

And a prayer, a long time prayer, a 14 yr old prayer, got answered.  I stopped pushing.  I stopped complaining.  I let go of bitterness.  But I still prayed.  And after all this time, it was finally answered.  It took something we were afraid of happening to happen first.  But when it did, there was really nothing to have feared.  And in the end, it took what we feared to bring upon the answer to the prayer.

I wonder how many times in life we have let fear keep us from a promise or from an answer we have so desperately wanted or needed?  And how many times were we afraid of something to only have to face it?  And by then, it wasn't nearly as awful as we thought it could be.  (most of the time)

Sometimes it takes facing what you fear most to get the outcome you most wanted.

Life is kinda funny like that.

I am still learning about fear and about all it strips away from us.  But who would have guessed that our own fears, our own actions to make sure we wouldn't have to face our fear, is what held up the answer to my prayer?  I was my own worst enemy.  And all this time I blamed God.   I wonder how many other times we blame Him for things, when if we would just "let go and let God" (trust in Him to see us through), things would be answered, or better, or different?  This is definitely a lesson I need to remember.

I am so sorry Lord it took me so long to get to this point.  I am so sorry for blaming You, when the whole time it was me, us.  Help me to let go and trust You more.  In Jesus's name, Amen.