I was thinking tonight.... What if I weren't here tomorrow? What would my children remember about me? What lessons would they remember learning from me? So this is an open letter to my children....just in case. Enough of you know of them. Should anything ever happen to me, please make sure they see this.
My dearest children,
It is my utmost hope that you knew how much I loved you. All the little notes, the snuggles, the inside jokes, the talks, and all the "I love you"'s (to name a few). You were each my reason for living. You were each my love, my life. You were the spark and joy in my life. And we have something so very precious....LOVE. LOVE NEVER ENDS! IT NEVER DIES! And I will take your love with me. And my love for you will live on in your hearts and memories forever. It will always be with you. I promise. A part of me will always be with you. And one day will be together again.
Try not to be angry. Everyone must die. It would grieve me terribly to see you get angry over this. Instead, be there for one another. And be there for dad. He may not handle this too well. Give him grace and know that he too is hurting. It's okay to cry. It's okay to hurt. But please allow yourselves to heal as well.
As I sit here typing this, there is a thunderstorm outside. I love the sound of rain as it hits the window panes. I have always found it relaxing. The slow rumble of thunder.... Perhaps from time to time, when you hear the rain beating against your window, you will remember me, and smile.
You already knew my favorite color. Some other things that I loved were music, poetry, a good book, and chocolate. I love hot bubble baths. I loved music, all kinds. I hope that you will remember all the music we played and me watching you dance or dancing with you, twirling you. I loved that too. I loved snuggling and good hugs. And you kids were the best at snuggling and hugging. World champs!
I want you to know how proud I always was of you all. I know I could be tough at times. And from time to time I made mistakes. But I always tired to do everything out of love. My job was not to always be nice, but to teach. To teach to you responsibility. To teach you respect, for others and yourselves. To teach you about consequences. And yes sometimes. you had to learn that life is not fair. No one ever said it was suppose to be. But you can't let it get you down. Not for long. I had to start teaching you to take care of yourselves, because no one else will when you get older.
I loved your bright smiles and laughter. I loved your notes to me. I loved it when you guys got along and played with one another. I loved when you helped each other out and encouraged each other. Please don't ever stop doing that. This world is hard enough. You will need each other too much later in life. So what if you fight. You're sisters. But forgive and move past it.
You are each so much stronger than you realize. I know you may not feel very strong now. But even strong people cry. Even strong people allow themselves to get upset and grieve when needed. Strength comes in knowing when it's okay to do such things. Foolishness is to try not to do any of those things.
Your lives will go on, but I will never be far. When life gets rough, just know I am still in your hearts. I leave a piece of me with each of you.
And yes, I know you loved me. I do. I know you are probably kicking yourselves for every mistake or time you got in trouble. DON'T! It's part of being a kids and of growing up. I know you loved me deeply, just as I love you deeply. And I know that love also goes with me. You guys are amazing. I am honored to have been your mom. You all were my greatest treasures.
Some things to know for later in life...
1. You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. You are going to have bad relationships and breakups. It's a part of the learning process. Some relationships may end well. Others I guarantee will not. But you will learn what you are looking for in your future husband. And you will learn to show love to someone else. You will learn a lot about yourselves with each failed relationship. Just know that for each fail, it means you are one step closer to being with the right one. Hurt for a while, then pick yourself up, dust off, and start moving on.
2. Life isn't always about you. Sometimes it's about others. Don't ever forget to be kind to each other, friends, and strangers. Never be afraid to lend a helping hand. And never look for anything in return. Treat others the way you would want them to treat you, no matter how they seem to be treating you at the time.
3. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. But not everyone deserves more than that. Remember that. There will come a day when you screw up. I promise. Learn from it! And remember just as you make foolish mistakes, so do others. But don't be door mat. Don't let others walk all over you. You'll learn this fine line as you grow, gain experience, and mature.
4. Get out and live!!! Don't sit inside on your electronics. Go ride your bikes. Go roller skating. Go do things!! You have this one life to live, so live it. Make it count. But don't be stupid. You won't need drugs to have a good time. And anyone telling you differently is lying. Pray for them.
5. In order to have good friends, you must first be a good friend.
6. Work hard. Nothing in this life is given for free. Someone somewhere is working for it. Nothing will ever be just given to you. If you want something, go out and work hard for it. There is a reward in knowing you worked hard to get what you wanted. Don't be lazy!
The only way to get what you want is to work for it yourself.
7. So show compassion and empathy. It seems to be a lost art. Don't let bitterness take root in you. You are better than that.
I am sure there are more things you should know that I never had the chance to finish showing you or teaching you. And for that, I am sorry. But this should be a good base for you to start at. ;)
I love you. I have loved you since the day I found out you were in my belly. And I will love you for all eternity. Thank you for loving me back. It was my honor to be your mother.
All my love, forever and ever....