Sunday, January 7, 2018

Dearest ex-Grandpa..... Setting the Record Straight

Dearest Ex-Grandpa...

I don't know where to start.

It has recently come to my attention why you abandoned us.  Apparently I had said something years ago about a coin collection that made you jump to a conclusion about us only wanting to know you for some kind of money or fortune.  I want to set everything straight.

I have no idea what the comment actually was.  I cannot tell you what I said.  Because whatever was said, was not important to me.  It was a comment in passing.  I do remember talking about you guys traveling and how much you enjoyed it.  That meant something to me.

What was important to me?  You.  My relationship with you.  My kids knowing you.  The man who helped raised their grandad, my father.  The man who I loved and called Grandpa. 

If you had any money at all, I didn't know and didn't care.  Still don't.  What's yours is yours.  I want no part of it.  Never did.  I have never been a person who cared about money, other than being able to pay our bills and take care of my kids.  As long as I am happily married and can take care of my kids, I don't care about much else.

When Grandma died, I took issue with you putting her jewelry box in front of us and telling us to go through it.  Remember?  I didn't want her things.  If anything, I wanted her chocolate chip cookie recipe.  Something I could share with my kids as a part of my childhood that brought me joy, that could also bring them joy, that they could pass down to their kids.  I didn't want her stuff.  Instead, I have no recipe and a necklace.  Whooptie doo.

I am grateful for the China.  I tell my kids it was hers.  It is displayed in my dining room.  But being grateful is not the same as wanting.

The only thing I EVER wanted from you was your love and attention.  That's it.  Even as a young girl I craved it.  But you doted on the middle girl.  Grandma on the youngest.  I was the eldest, the one who was given responsibility, but no favor.  I wasn't good enough for you or her.

I was so happy to be able to see her before she died.  To let her see Ralph's grand baby, her great grandchild.  I was happy for you when you found love again after her.  I liked Ada!  God Rest her soul.

That night you came here, I remember pulling my two very young kids out of bath, and rushing them to see you, keeping them up way passed their bed time.  But that didn't matter to you.  I remember talking and laughing.  I remember you making plans to cook the next day even though we told you that you didn't have too.  My kids were tired, but loved the adventure, the poodle, and the mobile home.  Emma sot of remembers.  Kaity does not.

Since then, we had another girl, Sara.  She is 8 now.  She is amazing.  She is our miracle.  She tested in the top 1% of intelligence in the nation!  And she's funny!!!  And Emma... has a slew of health issues and yet she is strong and perserveres.  She knows who she is, and 16 that's something.  She won't change for anyone.  She is a strong and stubborn and hilarious!  Bless her.  And Kaity?  She is funny and smart and popular.  There is so much you don't know about them, and you never will. 

Why?  Because you chose to take off and disappear instead of being a mature adult and talking about what concerned you.  You can keep whatever money you have.  We don't want a dime.  Never did.  Money isn't what is most important to me or us.  We value relationships above all else.  And our faith. 

We have had terribly hard times, including losing our home.  But it made us stronger.  And we are in an amazing place now where the future is bright and wide open.  But even if it wasn't, even when it wasn't, it was never any money you may or may not have had that mattered.  It was your love and support that was missed.

My kids do know about you.  And they know you are gone for good because you chose to leave for no reason.  I am thankful now.  They don't need a role model like you.  We teach our children to communicate when there is an issue.  Not run from it.  It isn't always easy, but it makes them stronger and helps them navigate the world better and will help them go further in life.

I always felt rejected by you.  In my childhood, and then again when you took off and abandon us.  You will never know the people we have become, the children we have had, or what really matters to us all.  Now I see the truth.  It wasn't us who was left out, it was you. 

You left.  And in doing so, you missed out on so much love and wonderfulness.  You made a choice to run instead of communicating.  And in doing so, you made assumptions that were not true and cost you a family that actually loved you. 

I feel like I am finally able to have some closure now.  You made a choice.  I know the reason why now.  And it was stupid and false.  And you didn't love us enough to talk about it.  You just ran like a coward.  Not something I would expect from a vet.

I thank you now, for leaving, and not having this kind of influence over my children.  I guess everything does happen for reason.  And since this is the kind of man you are, I am thankful you are not an influence on my girls.  I regret never feeling like I was enough  for you.  I regret mourning your loss in our lives.  You aren't worth it.  And apparently, you never were.

I can finally put this behind me.  I can finally move on.  I am sorry for all the time I wasted worrying over you, for you surely never looked back.

Not sure if you'll ever see this.  But it really doesn't matter.  What matters to me is knowing the truth and finally be able to move on.

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