Missing Him

Tonight my family went to town's annual tree lighting. It was nice. The 8th grade band was out there preforming. There was also a local dance group doing ballet at one point. The line to see Santa was LONG. We skipped it. The vendors were neat and their prices were VERY affordable! What a nice surprise! The FREE horse and cart rides were a hit with the kids too. There was even a live nativity.

My husband and I took our kids and met my mom, my sisters, and their families. At one point I looked at our little gathering and smiled. The kids were running around playing, laughing, squealing. The adults gathered talking. Baby bean eating a cookie in her stroller. And I thought, "He would have loved this."

I think of him often through out the year. It's been over 20 years since my father's death. And even though I'm not an 11 yr old little girl anymore, it still effects me. In so many ways.

I have a surgery coming up. And I'm writing letters to my girls, just in case. I want to cram as much family time in as I can in the next two weeks...just in case. My husband thinks I'm being a bit silly. But I didn't expect my reaction to that. I didn't expect the answer I gave or the tears that welled up in my eyes when I said it. I told him that you never can tell. You have to plan for everything. My father didn't expect to check into the hospital to die. I had NO idea that was at the core of all of this. I thought it was past medical problems (which do have there merits). But wow...what surprise.

Then tonight, seeing my family all together, enjoying the holidays....

I miss you Dad. I have made mistakes. I have. But I hope as a whole, you would have been proud of me. This time of year is always hard. I know how much you would have loved to have been here. I know how much joy your granddaughters would have brought you. I love you dearly, Dad. I always will. I miss you.