Wednesday, January 19, 2011

round and round we go

Well, my 5 yr old got sick (superstar). It was horrible. The doctor was amazed she wasn't hospitalized yet. Her asthma complicates EVERYTHING. She seems to be on the other end of things now and finally healing. We'll see. She still has her moments. But at least they are getting further and further apart.

Now my baby (Bean...18 1/2 months) is sick. Croup. It's horrible. As I just typed that she awoke from her nap crying. She is now laying next to me on the couch. Only Mommy makes it better. This is SOOOO not her. She is my independent girl. Snuggling is NOT her thing. She only does it when she is super sick. A cold, sinus infection, ear infection...they don't usually warrant snuggle time at all. The only thing that really has is when she had the stomach flu for 3 days. The noise she makes during her coughing fits, when she is trying to take in air and breathe before the next cough comes, is heart wrenching. I couldn't believe how instantly tears welled up in my own eyes in hearing it. I hate this for her.

She crys, A LOT. That is how ill she is. Again, not like her. She usually doesn't shed a tear after 60 seconds for anything. The last time she did, it was because she broke her arm in a fall. I knew it was broken when she didn't stop crying. The few times a day she isn't crying, well, her eyes just water and water and water. They are so swollen and red. And underneath is starting to chap because of how much they water. She's so pitiful looking and sounding right now.

I won't even to go into how bad her little nose is. ='(

I keep taking breaks from typing to stroke her hair or rub her back. Anything to help comfort her. I'm trying to keep her hydrated as she does have a low grade fever. She usually loves food. Loves to eat. These days, not so much. But as long as she is drinking, I'm happy. And she is definitely drinking!!! =)

I'm ready to have healthy kids again!! They take their vitamins, they eat their fruits and veggies and yogurt. And yet, they seem to stay sick most of the winter months. It's frustrating. Not to mention expensive. But you know what? I'd pay anything to get them well again and keep them that way.

I have fought tears off several times today already. Her illness is makes your heart ache to see her, to hear her. I wish there was more I could for her other than the steroids she is on. She tries to play. And does great for a few minutes, then she's coughing and wants to lay down next to mommy again. It is sooo not her. It's so sad. Maybe it's the lack of sleep we both got last night that makes me more susceptible to the tears today. Or maybe I'm just sick of having my kids sick and really makes me sad I can't do more for them. Maybe it's a bit of both. I know no matter how bad I feel seeing them this way, they feel even worse. =(

Funny. You decide to become a mom, and you know you are going to love someone in a way you never have before or ever will again. But you really don't know how deep that love goes until they're here. You think you know during pregnancy. But then they arrive. And your whole world changes. And every year that passes your love grows with them. You'd do anything for them. And nothing they could ever do would ever make you stop loving them. And when they're sick, all you want to do is move heaven and earth to make them feel better.

I just know that this illness merry-go-round will soon come to a stop. But until then, I will keep doing everything I can for them. I'll keep praying. I'll keep doing the mom thing, because that is what we do. We hide how much it kills us to see them that way. We show strength instead. And we do what we can until this too does pass.

No comments:

Post a Comment