a new year, a new start??

I'm sick. Literally sick. I have some kind of kick butt cold that's really wearing on me. And now today, I'm fighting nausea on top of it. BLAH. So this is not helping me. lol

My nerves are so close to being shot. I'm trying to stay in peace. I am. But here is my situation:

Currently, we rent where we live. We went through a bankruptcy 2 years ago and lost our home in it. We've been renting ever since.

My husband has been talking to a mortgage guy he knows. His friend says in April, once our bankruptcy has been discharged for 2 years (it will be in March...but whatever), we will qualify for an FHA loan at 4.75 % with only 3% down. SO..... we need about 5 grand....seasoned (not gifted. Sitting in savings for this). BUT...we can deplete the savings to buy the house and it won't matter.

My head is swimming. I want to move ASAP! I hate it here. Nothing good has happened here. I have made a good friend or two. My kids have made great friends. But this place is whack. A house down the street was busted for bombs. ADULTS fought right outside my house, one using a pipe on another! The guy behind us we think tried to commit suicide. This house in itself is not full of fond memories at all.

When we first moved here I was pregnant and going through the bankruptcy. Needless to say it was hard on me. It took a toll on our marriage and twice last year I asked for a separation. I need to get out of here. I want to start over again. I need to start over again. My marriage is FINALLY back on track and we both want a place to start over again fresh. For us. For our family. Not here amoungst the craziness and bad memories.

If I could, I would have moved YESTERDAY!! But it looks like it won't be until at least around June sometime. UGH. I don't want to wait. It's driving me crazy. lol The anticipation. The excitement. The promise of better days maybe?

As for my kids, I know leaving their friends will be hard on them. But I also think a new place, new memories, a happier mommy and daddy would be wonderful for them!! I do.

So even though I'm chomping at the bit to leave here, I am stuck in this waiting process. Waiting to save enough money (oh please God help us do that). Waiting for April to get here. Then waiting until we find the right place for us. I have all this pinned up....anticipation and hope and I don't know what, lol. And I have to sit on it. And as I sit on it. I worry. Where will the money come from? Can we still find a nice place like the one I found today? Will my kids be able to stay at their school ( a BIG thing for me. They need stay going where they are at).

So here I sit....full of anticipation, hope, stress, and worry....all at once.

I'm trying something I haven't done in about 2 years. I am trying to put my faith in the Lord. Telling myself He has a plan for us. That stressing out is NOT going to help me or my family. I just need to trust in Him. And in trusting Him, I have to realize that He knows my heart's desire, but He also knows what is best. When I get to this place...I'm okay. It's just staying here that's hard. But I'm going to try.

In the mean time....One step at a time. Pre-approval. My husband is on the phone with his guy now. Let's see if this goes how his guy thinks it will. One step at time. One hurdle at a time. Put my trust in the LORD, not man. No matter what.

I know, no matter how this goes, it will not deter me from the path I am on to renew my faith. That makes me feel good. =)

So.... here we go.... on this journey of a new year, a renewed faith, and hopefully (possibly) a new home.