I was just blasted tonight by someone without a face. Up to the point of name calling. Apparently I'm an idiot.
There is so much this person did not know because they never talked to me directly about any of it. They blindly believed gossip. And then they took the internet to personally attack me. Calling me names and saying I don't have much of life. Takes a big person to do that behind the name "anonymous".
I was to the point of tears after reading what they had to say. So much of it was wrong. And apparently, it would seem, as if they have others believing what they have said. I worry about how so much miscommunication has lead to so much hostility. I worry about how this may actually effect my children. I moved to get away from drama, and yet here it is. This makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide. I'm sure they'd thrilled if I did that.
I have no idea who the person is, this "anonymous". But yet they know who I am. They even know how to find me. But instead of being an adult about all of this and just talking to me, they decided it was better to try to tear me down and call me names.
Maybe they are right. Maybe I don't have much of a life. My husband works more than he is home. He eats with us twice a week. That's it. I am left to raise my 3 kids most (not all, but most) of the time by myself. I do a lot with my family and I have friends. I keep blogs. But honestly, how come I am the one with no life? Who gave them the power to judge to me? They don't even know me.
Is it because I'm trying to pass information on? I'm not the one following someone I can't stand for the simple reason (as it would seem) just to tell them how stupid they are. If I don't like something, I try not to spend too much time with it or on it. (unless it's chores. I hate those. But those I have to do. lol) And yet I'm the one being told I haven't much a life. I don't get it.
It seems as if others around me believe all this person has said too. I could be wrong. But I don't know because no one will talk to me about it.
I don't think I'm a bad person. I try to be helpful. And I'm not going to sit here and list the few helpful things I have done for those around me. It's not about that. That's between me, them, and God. But I can't say how much it hurts to know there are people out there, close to me, who can't stand me, and I don't know why. It would seem like it all steams back to a particular event. But even that really was no concern of theirs. Not really. I just don't understand it.
It's one thing to be disliked and know why. That I can live with. Not everyone is going to like us. That's life. But for others to really go to these lengths, name calling and such, and not know what I have done. For everything they had listed as issues, were all wrong. The stories were all wrong.
It makes me just want to hide. Not to be seen anymore, by anyone, but those whom I have known for years.
Maybe I'm just over sensitive tonight because I haven't been feeling too well today, and it was one of my husband's 12 hour days. When you don't feel well, you want help with the kids. You know? I don't get that luxury. So I tend to be a bit over sensitive on days like this. Man I hope I don't feel like this tomorrow.
My husband has been wonderful and has helped me to keep some perspective. I have him and the kids. I have neighbors I adore. I have wonderful family. I do have friends I love. And all of them know I'd do anything for them.
I think I have a good heart. Do I make mistakes? Of course! Don't we all? But I have never done anything with malicious intent. Which is more than I can say for the person who attacked me tonight. The people who know me, know me. This person does not. Why am I letting it bother me so much?
When my husband asked me that, I told him I was worried about it effecting our kids in the future. Other than that, he's right. Why should I care so much? I don't know. But I do. And I hurt. But as that old saying goes, that which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Right? I have weathered a lot worse in life than some person who hides behind "anon" calling me names. And those who know me, know what I mean. This isn't middle school. I'm not going to resort to name calling. I have offered this person a chance to talk, like adults. After all, we all make mistakes, right? Maybe they were having a bad day too and I was just the outlet for pent up anger. Who knows. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe one day they'll talk to me. They may not ever like me, but it would be nice to set what they think is right, actually right.
I want to just crawl in hole about right now. It's been a long, hard day. This too shall pass. Eventually.