The past 24 hours have brought a wave of emotions.
When I first got the news about the diagnosis about my daughter's hearing loss, I fell apart. I fell to floor, crying loudly and begging God to take my hearing instead. He could take my sight too if he wanted, but to not my girls. I just kept crying saying "No, no, no", over and over again. I kept begging to be the one instead. Then I started to calm down a little bit. I knew I had to pull myself together and make some calls.
Some of the calls to inform close family of what was happening ended up being for me I think. I found myself being encouraged. And all the feelings of failure and defeat slowly started feeling the tingle of hope and strength.
I have questioned why over the past 24 hours a lot. I have not yet received a concrete answer. I may never know why this has happened or what caused this. I went back over my daughter's entire life in my head, nit picking at things I could have done differently. Maybe this was somehow my fault. Now I had guilt. So fear, guilt, failure, defeat were all swimming around in me. Each taking turns punching me in the gut and ripping away at my heart. I felt like we were in this alone.
At some point in time yesterday the fog of emotions start to slowly clear (I'm not sure it's all completely gone yet, but we are well on the way!). I started to gain perspective. I realized my daughter was scared too. She was not happy with this at all. And what she needed most was support and for her parents to be strong for her when she couldn't be. I found my resolve. My pitty party was over. I may not be able to snap my fingers and fix this, but I did realize what I could do. I could be my daughter's advocate.
I immediately took to email and Facebook. I asked for prayer. I asked for family and friends who felt like it, to please lift my daughter and family in prayer right now. I summarized what we were dealing with and asked for prayers of healing, restoration, strength, comfort, joy,peace... That the Lord's will be done and that he receive glory from this somehow. I decided to get my emotions under control, and to pray and stand in faith that my girl would be healed. And that is what I am doing. God help me!
I wasn't real sure of what my online assault to family and friends would bring. Would I be offending them? You know what? I didn't care. All that mattered was my girl. I knew we had to try. And since then, I have been brought to tears too many times to count. Not because of what's going on with my girl, but because of all the love and support we have found from this.
People you never thought really (or expected) to be there for us have come out of the woodwork. I have old friends and new friends rallying behind our girl and promising to pray for her. I have had people I have known for years, and others I only have known through online connections, rallying to pray for her and standing in faith with us for healing for her. Some have re-posted to friends and on social networks, calling for prayer for my girl (and getting it!!). Others have gone to their churches asking that my girl be added to their intercessory teams' prayers or the church's pray groups.
What does one say to all this? Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough. Every time I receive another email or message, I am once again brought to tears by the support, caring, and promises of prayer we receive from them. It's all so overwhelming, but in the best of ways. "Thank you" just doesn't seem to be enough to say (and what do you do?) right now. What these friends and family members are doing is amazing. They are taking a part of their lives to pray for our girl. They are taking time out of their busy lives to stop and encourage us, and give us strength for this journey. I wonder if they even know how much that means to us? Do they know what a big deal this is, for them to do this? I really am humbled.
When you see the news, you begin to wonder about the kindness of man kind, and whether it still exists. You wonder if anyone out there cares for anyone but themselves anymore. I'm here to say they do. There is kindness in the is world. Sometimes, in the most unexpected places. So much of it, sometimes it takes your breath away.